The Best Way To Deal With A Crazy Ex
Tell it like it is.
Even if it's a delicate case, like for example, she's depressive or
lacking self-confidence, it's always better to tell the truth. Do it in a
polite manner, don't be mean or sarcastic. Remember, the goal is to
make her understand, not to hurt her feelings.
Keep a little distance.
Hanging around a girl that still loves you may give her the idea that
she could still get you back, and could hurt any possible new
relationship you have. Let her know you're doing it because it's best
and keep her as far apart as you can.
Keep things diplomatic if you have to see her a lot at school or work.
She's just another person, not a friend. Remember the distance, if it
can't be also physical, it should at least be emotional. Don't lead her
on in any way, you don't know what she understands from what you're
saying.
Stand your ground. Don't tell her
you're better off alone, but then return the next week because you're
lonely. Don't tell her you prefer to keep a distance but talk to her
every day. She'll try to get your attention for as long as you're
willing to give it, and that only hurts her more and creates a hard
situation for everyone. Be strong!
Don't share any details about your new partner with the ex.
It makes her obsess more, and details about the new girl's life, where
she works/studies, pictures, etc may endanger her (depending, of course,
on how crazy your ex is).
It's a better idea not to let the person know that you have someone new too soon after the break up. She could start imagining that you cheated on her, and that could make her very angry and depressive.
Tips
- Just remember that she was someone that you loved or really cared about. You should want what's best, and if you've moved on, then it's not good for her to linger. If you think she's getting way too obsessive, talk to her friends, maybe one of them could help in getting your message across.
- Get a restraining order if the situation gets too extreme.
- Be consistent with what you are saying and doing.
How to Handle Bad Sex??
The lights are low. A fire smolders in the fireplace. Two wineglasses sit, half empty, on the nightstand. Your clothes lie in a heap on the floor. You reach for each other. The two of you tumble to the bed, and then...
Blah.
No
explosions of passion. No breathy proclamations of desire. No
tumultuous climax. To put it bluntly, the sex just isn't that good.
And
then you wonder: How can everyone in movies and romance novels be
having fiery, combustible sex, when you and your partner can barely
create a spark?
"TV shows and movies give us this very skewed
representation of what sex is supposed to be like," says Logan Levkoff,
PhD, a sexologist, relationship expert, and author of the ebook How To Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You.
"Everyone seems to be climaxing and having orgasms all the time from
whatever they're doing, and I think when you grow up on a diet of that,
when your real life doesn't match, you think, 'There's something wrong
with me,' or, 'There's something wrong with my partner.'"
Real-life
sex can almost never measure up to the passion portrayed on the screen,
says Isadora Alman, MFT, a California-based sex therapist. "People
don't talk about the fact that it's likely that in an odd position
you'll pass gas, or the love of your life will take you in his arms and
have bad breath."
Sex in the real world isn't perfect, and it
doesn't always end with an earth-shattering climax -- but it doesn't
have to, Levkoff says. "Good sex doesn't necessarily have to be about an
orgasm. It can just be an emotionally fulfilling experience between
partners."
No matter how blah your sex life may be, it can get
better. The key, say our experts, is to know exactly what you want --
and then ask for it.
6 Sex Mistakes Women Make
1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner
Many
of us worry about ladylike behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or
come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to
Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and
author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.
“Most
guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up
disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship,” he says.
Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as
women do.
2: Worrying About What You Look Like
Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.
“Don’t
think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face,” advises
Westheimer. “Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give
yourself permission to have an orgasm.”
3: Assuming Sex Is Casual for a Man
Westheimer
believes we should all let go of old-fashioned notions, such as women
are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. “For some men, sex is a
very important act. Don’t minimize it.”
The research, says
Parrott, supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy
in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying.
“Numerous
research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best
quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about
the inadequacies of ‘casual sex,” Parrot says.
In a study being
conducted by Fisher and her colleagues of university students engaging
in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious
about sex and relationships as
women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a
one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping
to create a longer relationship. One-third of them actually did so.
What’s the lesson?
Sure,
most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask,
but not true for men. The pressures of everyday life -- family, work,
bills -- can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many
women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take
personally.
“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just
don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when
their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. “They know
themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still
love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they
think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Not true. He just doesn’t want to have
sex.”
5: Not Giving Him Guidance
Talking
very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel
uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and
otherwise feel close to, says Parrott. But it’s the only way to achieve a
satisfying sexual relationship.
“A woman must take
responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer. “No man can
bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her
sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs
without her letting him know.”
The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.
“If
you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will
appreciate it,” says Fisher. She advises women to sandwich what they
don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You
won’t find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do
listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”
6: Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New
After
a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice
things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try
something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In
short: Don’t take it personally.
Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone says Parrott.
“Nobody
should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the
personal and intimate area of sexuality,” Parrott says. “If your man
asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it
clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this
in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a
moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If
it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about
it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to
think about it.”
Things men don't want to hear
Many women find it
hard to believe this, but men get hurt too. In fact, it’s been said that
they are really the weaker sex. Consider that when they catch the flu
they act like it’s a matter of life and death; they become like babies.
Tough outside but very fragile on the inside, their ego needs stroking
every now and then.
Every woman knows her man – be it a husband,
an ex-husband, a boyfriend or even a son – better than he knows himself.
They know how to bring the best out of them when the situation calls
for it… and sometimes how to really kill their confidence.
Sometimes women just vent because of stress or whatever reason, and forget that words can actually hurt their guys really badly.
So what are the things that women should think twice before saying to a man?
“Please lend me money”
A
terrible question that would have him thinking all kinds of things
about you. Do not ask him for money if you haven’t been dating for over
five months at least.
He is not your cash box, and if you
absolutely have to ask, do tell him what it is for. (Don’t ask him to
lend you money to settle a debt you acquired with your ex-boyfriend, for
example.)
“My last few relationships were difficult”
What does this have to do with him? This might make him feel like you’re just using him to relieve all that stress.
He knows that, being a man himself, he may well share some of the less appealing masculine qualities with your ex.
Also remember this might not play well with some of the more jealous and insecure guys.
“I don’t like your mother”
Don’t be surprised if his response is, “Let’s call it quits,” because this in actual fact is an insult, to him and his mother.
It
doesn’t matter if you’re married to him and have kids of your own, his
mother is his mother. What else don’t you like that’s his? Some men are
baby boys at heart; his mother was the first woman in his life, and may
very well always be the first.
“Be a man for a change!”
This
is a blow that he’ll consider below the belt, and chances are, whatever
argument you were having he may well just walk out and leave you. He
would like to believe he is a big man, a man of the house, while you’re
telling him there’s no difference between him and a little boy.
“I’m not really into sex too often”
Men
love having sex; it’s always on their minds. Nothing gets his attention
like the mention of sex and the more he has the merrier it is, as far
as he’s concerned.
After a long day at the office dealing with a
demanding boss and difficult clients he needs to destress and what
better way that to get intimate with his partner?
So even if you aren’t that into sex, rather let him know you do care and will want to have sex some time soon.
“My ex used to...”
Though
people compare their current lovers with previous ones from time to
time, to actually voice this is a real turn-off to men.
Everybody
has their strengths and weaknesses, so, instead of concentrating on the
negatives rather encourage him. There are things he can do very well and
maybe better than your ex. And don’t even think of telling him what
your ex used to do sexually.
“I don’t like children”
If he already has children from a previous relationship, he will take this to mean you don’t like them.
He also may interpret your statement as “I don’t want children,”
which is not something you should express if you think you may want to
be a mother in future. If he doesn’t have kids, he probably would like
to have a mini-he running around at some point.
Love Is Blind: 7 Qualities That Makes A Healthy Relationship
So for
today’s Health/Beauty/Relationship tips I am going to talk about Healthy
relationships and hopefully you will be able to determine wether or not
your relationship is Healthy.
Now the main question is what makes
a healthy relationship? First of all I hope you both are treating each
other with mutual respect, love, affection and of course there is no
kind of abuse wether it’s physical, mental or both. If you do have some
kind of abuse that is the first sign that you need to move because it
is not a healthy relationship.
Below are 7 qualities that your relationship should have to make it a healthy one!
Mutual Respect Does
your significant other love you for who you are? Meaning do they love
the real you, the person that not everyone get’s to see. Do you both
have mutual respect for one another? Hopefully you answered yes!
Honesty As
cheesy as it can sound, honesty is the best policy. You have to be
honest with each other to be able to make it work. Don’t lie and say you
have to work over time just because you want to go out with your
co-workers after work and have a few drinks. Tell your lover the truth,
if you lie even if it’s a small lie, it will cause problems. You don’t
want to start losing each other’s trust, and if you do that’s the
road which can lead to a break up.
Trust This one
goes with honesty, if there’s not honesty usually there is no trust.
You need both qualities to make it work and if you don’t trust your
lover, it’s probably going to be a living hell. You don’t want to be out
there worrying about where they are at. Or spending money on psychics,
just to see if they love you or if they are cheating on you. Usually if
there’s no trust, you might as well kiss the relationship good bye.
Good communication Communication
is they key to any relationship. If he or she asks you what’s wrong.
Don’t just say “nothing is wrong” communicate and explain why you are
upset, or why you are feeling the way that you do. Remember yelling,
screaming, throwing things is not communication! Also talking in a calm
and collective demeanor is best. Remember when communicating drop the
attitude and the sarcasm. If your partner is talking to you, shut up and
listen. Don’t interrupt or give excuses, listen to what they have to
say and when they are done express how you feel.
Support You
should be able to cry on each other’s shoulder. When things are going
wrong he or she should be there for support. For example you are having
problems at work, and or school. You should be able to talk to them when
you are having a rough day or when your on the verge of a breakdown.
They should be there to give you support and or comfort you when times
are not so good.
Fairness & Equality There
has to be fairness and equality in the relationship meaning you can’t be
give give giving or take take taking. It has to be a combination of
both. You give they give, you take they take. It can’t be a power
struggle of one person always fighting to get their way. Example one
week he can select the restaurantand movie and the next week it can be
your turn. Remember fairness is very important.
Separate Identities Before
you met you had your own life, family, friends, work and so on. And now
that you are together you should be able to continue to be yourself,
meaning if you like listening to hip hop and they love dance. That’s
fine but don’t pretend to start hating the music only because your loved
one hates it. You have to be yourself, you shouldn’t have to pretend or
act like someone else to please them. Remember they should love you for
you, not for the fake person you have created. If you can’t be yourself
or have to pretend to be someone else, I think you should start
exploring other options.
10 Reasons Why You Should Have More Sex
1. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
2. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
3. Kissing
each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash
food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay,
preventing plaque build-up.
4. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium.
5. The
more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active
body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These
subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
6. Sex
is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the
bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a
feeling of well-being.
7. Sex is one of the
safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about
every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and
you don’t need special sneakers!
8. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
9. Gentle
and relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis,
skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and
makes your skin glow.
10. Sex is a beauty
treatment. Scientist said when women make love, they produce amounts of
the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
Scared Of Being Single? 5 Signs You're Desperate For A Man
I typically
don’t care for the goings-on in Celebrityville. Who’s dating who, who’s
laying up in whose bed, who’s shacking up with him or her. It’s all too
exhausting to keep up with. But I’ve noticed that J. Lo and Halle Berry always
seem to have themselves a boo. Always. And it’s pretty obvious that
it’s not necessarily a cavalier matter of choice, but that they’re women
who, despite their beauty and influence and fame and general
fabulousness, actually think they need a man. Maybe to be
validated, maybe to chase away the lonely, maybe to keep them from
feeling things they may not be ready to emotionally confront.
One
of the most dangerous fears that swirls around in the minds of many
women—too many women—is the fear of being man-less. The phobia of being
alone and detached keeps them stocked with either an endless supply of
disposable dudes or the same ol’ dud whose proven himself unworthy year
after year after year. Either way, not the most glimmering examples of
upstanding manliness, but they fit the bill out of necessity because
they’ve got the biological qualifications and physical accouterments to
boot. With no chance to go into the next relationship refreshed and
renewed because there’s they don’t give themselves time to heal,
compulsive man-seekers sacrifice a lot for the sake of having a warm
body in their beds or a new beau by their sides.
How can you tell if you’re desperate just to have a man?
You’re constantly defending him from your family and friends (or not telling them the whole truth about your situation).
Sometimes
you don’t pick up on valid points about your love life because you’re
too busy actually living it. But when your loved ones present things
they’ve noticed about your man, you dismiss the cold, hard facts because
you don’t want to have undeniable justification to cut your dude loose
and end up single. Better to make your inner circle feel like they’re
crazy than accept that your guy may not be the good thing you’ve worked
exceedingly hard to make him out to be.
You regularly let his inconsideration and indiscretions slide.
He cusses at your kids, he rolls his eyes at your mama, he breaks promises to you with a systemic regularity. You, in turn, apologize for problems you didn’t create or shoulder responsibility for issues that aren’t yours. He gets away with it all because he knows, just like you know, that you are too afraid to rock the boat and risk his leaving than to cut his fool tail loose and hand him his walking papers in a hand basket.
He cusses at your kids, he rolls his eyes at your mama, he breaks promises to you with a systemic regularity. You, in turn, apologize for problems you didn’t create or shoulder responsibility for issues that aren’t yours. He gets away with it all because he knows, just like you know, that you are too afraid to rock the boat and risk his leaving than to cut his fool tail loose and hand him his walking papers in a hand basket.
You’re always making excuses for him.I’ve
known women obviously getting beat down by their men on a regular basis
and others who’ve been mollywhopped by rants and raves about their
worthlessness. But they still find a reason to defend their men’s honor
not only because they’re conditioned to put them on pedestals but
because they’re so scared of them leaving, they’d rather pardon the
behavior than confront the obvious fact that they’re not worth the
emotional and mental investment. Just to have a man.
You haven't been single longer than a week in your whole adult life.
Some
experts say it takes two years to bounce back in whole from a previous
relationship, maybe longer depending on the circumstances and the
emotional condition of the folks doing the bouncing back. But one
thing’s for sure: if you associate all memories according to the man you
were, that might be a sign that you’ve spent too much time up under a
dude. Come up for air.
You reason, “It’s better than being alone.”
He’s cheated, he’s lazy but he’s also breathing and wields a pretty mean sex game, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.
He’s cheated, he’s lazy but he’s also breathing and wields a pretty mean sex game, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.
How to Pick Up a Woman
Make eye contact.
You've already established that she is available, so keep telling
yourself that. This next step is key. If she looks at you and you look
away nervously, good luck to you. You've already made a bad first
impression. Keep a relaxed, flirtatious gaze. Don't stare and
don't lock up and look like a psycho. Also don't flash a huge, fake
grin. Just move your head however feels natural and smile a
bit--whatever feels natural. If she looks away shyly, that's good. If
she gives you a seductive stare, that's even better. If she looks away
and looks freaked out, better find someone else.
Look away for a second or two to give her time to think about you.
She has noticed that you're available and that you like her. She's
thinking about whether she likes you back. Don't take too long. Between
ten seconds and a minute. Whatever feels right. Take a deep
breath, relax, think happy thoughts. She was intrigued by you, remember?
Clear your mind.
Breathe. That oxygen is going to help you think on your toes and help
you relax. Gulp it down politely. She may wonder if you are a fish
otherwise.
Glance over at her again. If she's
chatting with her friends and still has her eye on you, congratulations.
If she's looking at you comfortably, congratulations. If she purposely
avoids eye contact, she either has myopia or she just hasn't felt the
spark her end. Approach somebody else or offer to put her glasses back
on.
Keep eye contact as you approach. Don't
stare and don't trip over anything as you walk toward her. Stay relaxed
and focused. Have a sense of purpose. Don't let all the people who are
in your way discourage you. Remember, we have already established that
she likes you. If you blow it now, it's all your fault. Although, never
underestimate the endearing quality of a guy who trips over in pursuit
of love. It can be retold for years afterwards and who knows, it may
just end in marriage.
Smile casually and say something casual.
Remember, you are a stranger. There is no need to say something
elaborate but at least form the words clearly - don't mumble or spit in
anticipation. Here are some ideas:
"Hey."
"How's it going?"
"Hey there."
"Hey what's up?"
Regardless of what her response is, ask a question next. The purpose of this question is to get her to laugh. Say something benign or even daft:
"What are you up to?" This
one is a favorite. If she says "nothing," try one of the others, but if
she wants to play along she'll say "dancing" * cue laugh* or "drinking"
* cue laugh*
"What's your name?"
"Where's your boyfriend?" This
is a good question to ask if she's been talking to a guy that she's
obviously not interested in. Do you see the pattern? Humor!
Or even "What's your sign?" She just may crack up
If
you are talented enough to think up your own humorous question that
fits the scenario better, go for it. But please, if you don't have a
rapacious wit, stick to the suggestions above.
Get on with it.
You're on your own, so have a decent conversation. If you're not good
at it, you will never get a pickup (unless you look like a model). Most
guys can't get past the above part, so you already have a head start.
Remember, if you fail at this point, it's all your fault. She doesn't
really have a boyfriend and she isn't really that busy. You just didn't
impress her with your conversation, that's all. Get better and try
again.
Love Tips For Dating The African Man
The African
man is a gentle creature yet so powerful and mysterious. Dating African
men can prove to be an experience of a life time if you have never dated
them before. The truth is, figuring out how to date an African man is
never easy. However, you must look for some tips that will guide you on
how to go about it.
Dating African men will
give you the pleasure of having security. They are very aware of what
the needs of a woman are. Most African men would refuse to let the lady
pick up the tab (Well, maybe only on the first date).
Once they are committed, it is their nature to work tirelessly to ensure that you are happy.
Another
plus in dating an African man is that they can make for great lovers.
Their's is a romantic bone and you will surely not be disappointed. When
an African man loves, he loves for real!
Dating African men will require you to have some qualities and understand some important things including the following:
- Knowing clearly what your role in the relationship is. You are not the head and you should give the man an opportunity to be the man. African men will go for people who are humble and gentle in all senses. There is something about a down to earth partner that excites them. When you are down to earth, it does not mean that you will be oppressed. To the contrary, the man will seek to protect you and build you up.
- Most African men want a woman who understands her history, and is somewhat familiar with her culture. To them, this serves as proof of a woman who can be introduced to the parents, and who will manage home affairs very well.
- What may appear to you as him being overprotective is just him trying to tell you to pay more attention to him than you do to his freinds. Some African men dislike extremely nice or flirtacious girl who does not know when to say "NO."
- As a woman, you must have the element of hard work. This is a value that will help you create a good image for your African man.
- You must be sincere and honest.
- The modern African man is still looking for girls who are both modern and at the same time can cook great traditional meals. Yes, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
When you build
your relationships on strong blocks like love, commitment and trust, you
will definitely see that you will take your union to another level. As
you date, have fun and enjoy yourself. That is what dating is all about.
Let’s Talk About Sex! Uh, What’s Normal?
Enough time to recover and shower? Time doesn’t matter. What matters are the people involved. Are you having a consensual, safe threesome? Well, then that’s virtually no time between having sex with two different people. Have you and Partner 1 discussed that you are not exclusive, but you will be safe whenever you have sex with someone else? Then go about your business with Partner 2 that afternoon. Did someone just rip your heart out and break-up with you after three years of lousy sex and you just want to go to the bar and bang (with a condom) the hottest guy see that night? Go ahead!
People who sets up an arbitrary rules like, “You need to wait at least two months between having sex with people,” set those rules for themselves because that structure gives them comfort, which is fine, so long as they apply those rules only to themselves. It’s exactly the same as me saying, “I can have ice cream one night a week so long as I run three times.” Uh, no, pretty sure I can have ice cream whenever I want. As long as I don’t put myself into diabetic shock, it really isn’t a big deal. And neither is sleeping around, so long as you’re being safe, respectful to the people involved, and conscious of your feelings.
Save the judgment for how the sex is, not when it’s had.
You date someone until you feel like you’re ready to have sex. This goes for the first and every time after that. And it’s different for every person and every person that person dates.
Look, if you go back to a guy’s apartment, is he going to hope that means you’re having sex? Of course he is! Even if you bend over in a low-cut top, he’s going to hope he gets to have sex with you. Should all boys be respectful and ask us what we’re comfortable with? Yes. Will they? Not in this decade, so know how far you want to take things and be vocal about that. You CAN just make out and stuff. Make your boundaries clear. And do not go to someone’s apartment if you feel in any way threatened, even if it’s just an inkling. If at any point you feel like he’s pressuring you, leave. You are under no obligation to do anything just because you went to his apartment. You don’t need to make excuses. You don’t need to justify yourself. You just say, “I’m not ready for that.”
5 Hot bedroom games your girl will go crazy for
Spin
the Bottle, Two Minutes in the Closet, Strip Poker, Naked Twister -- in
college, flirty games are a rite of passage, but once you settle into
your 20s and 30s, and into a real relationship, it’s easy to let all the grown-up stuff push playtime to the back of the line. Bad idea.
Sex
games not only break up bedroom boredom, they also open up the lines of
communication and give you an excuse to expand your sexual repertoire.
Oh yeah, and did we mention that sex games add a new meaning to fun
between the sheets?
Here are some sex games that are sure to put the spice back into your bedroom antics.
1- Sexzee Yahtzee
All
you need is one die and a vivid imagination. On a piece of paper, both
partners write actions to correspond with the numbers. You can keep this
one relatively tame (e.g. 1 = foot massage) or push the limits
depending on your mood (e.g. 1 = blow job). When you roll, your partner
has to deliver. Remember: This is your chance to try out all the “acts”
you’ve been too shy to request, so don’t hold back.
Bonus: You can throw in two or more dice for multiple acts performed in a series or at the same time.
2- Truth or Dare?
If
you’ve never played this sex game, you’re in for a surprise. Whether
you pick truth or dare, you’re sure to uncover a few new (and
titillating) things about your partner (and vice versa). All you need to
play is a vivid imagination and a healthy sexual appetite. If you get
stuck, don’t only ask about her sexual fantasies, bring them to life. As
for dare, a striptease or lap dance is always a crowd pleaser. If you
don’t want to ask or answer about past sexual escapades, set a rule from
the get-go that former flings are off-limits. The last thing you want
to do is make her jealous or self-conscious.
Bonus: Play this sex game over dinner for added exhibitionist excitement.
Just
because you’re no longer a teenager, it doesn’t mean the closet is
off-limits. In the adult version of this game, wait for her in the dark
(door closed) while she slips into something more comfortable (or
nothing at all). The anticipation and confined space will up the hot
factor and the lack of light will heighten your senses. Once she steps
inside, kiss her hand, kiss her arm, kiss her collarbone, but hold off
kissing her lips until she can’t take it any longer.
Bonus: Turn it into a game that the first person to speak loses.
4- Spin the Bottle
You
probably remember Spin the Bottle from the wood-paneled basement days
of your youth that was usually played by a bevy of bashful boys and
girls. This variation of the classic pushes the boundaries well past
kissing. Start by polishing off a bottle of wine; that always helps set
the mood. In addition to the empty bottle, you need a marker and a large
piece of paper. Start by drawing a circle about twice the size of the
wine bottle, divide it into six equal sections and write a sexy request
in each section, something both men and women can perform (e.g. French
Kiss, Striptease, Partner’s Choice). Take turns spinning the bottle; whatever section you land on, you perform on your partner.
Bonus: Videotape your escapades for later viewing.
5- Sexy Twister
Remember
Twister? Remember all those contortionist positions (right leg green,
left hand yellow) that had your body entwined with your competitors.
Now, picture playing it naked with your girlfriend. The Kama Sutra of
board games, all you need for naked Twister is the Twister board and
your birthday suit. Spin the wheel and place your limbs where the wheel
indicates, making sure not to topple over. To add some excitement,
distract your opponent by licking, nuzzling, kissing, and tickling. Last
man (or woman) standing wins this sex game.
Bonus: Rather
than starting out stark naked, turn Sexy Twister into Strip Twister.
With each spin of the wheel, an article of clothing is removed before
you take your position.
let the games begin!
The best part of provocative playtime is that no one loses. Not only
does playing sex games satiate your sex drive and let you live out
your fantasies, carnal competition can bring you closer together. It’s a
win-win situation.
5 Tips for Keeping a Relationship Fresh
Remember
at the beginning of your relationship when you always looked your
best for each other, when not even a nose hair was out of place? As time
passes, it's hard to maintain the same attention to appearance as we
did in the beginning, what with the baby spit-up, weekly housecleaning
and gardening chores, and lazy Sundays. If your relationship has lost a
little of its fizzle, take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.
Paying just a little extra attention to grooming and hygiene can make
the idea of spontaneous sex a lot more appealing.
Men, have you
shaved recently or trimmed your facial hair (and removed food crumbs)?
Trimmed your fingernails and toenails? Ladies, are you so comfortable in
your favorite T-shirt-slash-nightgown that your lingerie has been
forgotten in the back of the closet? Finally, everyone, have you bathed
recently?
A
couple's relationship can be both complicated and enhanced by outside
relationships. Not all outside relationships will fit well into a
couple's life together. Some of them, like those with mothers-in-law,
can't exactly be avoided, but others can, and they should be kept
separate from the couple's relationship. These friendships can enhance
the couple's time together by giving each person time and space to
nurture and develop interests that the partner doesn't necessarily
share. A lunch date with a coworker is a much better outlet for
discussing a work project than dinner at home. And sometimes it's really
nice to be able to enjoy an inside joke without having to explain it to
your significant other.
At the same time, it's healthy for
couples to have friends they hang out with together. These friendships
provide a way for a couple to be social together and explore common
interests. They can also be a source of positive feedback for the
relationship.
3: Learn to Argue Well
Some
couples may be afraid to argue, believing that it's a sign that they
aren't compatible or fearing that the argument will be the end of the
relationship. Others use it as a prelude to passionate make-up sex.
However, couples who know how to argue well find that it strengthens
their connection with each other, and a strong relationship is a safe
space for airing differences.
Here are some tips for arguing well:
- Learn to listen as well as express yourself. You may find that the whole argument stemmed from a simple misunderstanding, in which case you can move right on to the make-up sex.
- Respect your partner's beliefs and don't expect to change his or her mind. Your goal is to understand each other; you don't have to agree.
- Uncensored anger may be unproductive. If the intensity of your anger surprises even you, it might be best to take a few moments before you say anything. As freeing as it might feel to call your partner names and hurl expletives (or vases), you'll just put your partner on the defensive.
- Make it about finding a resolution for BOTH of you, not just one of you. If only one of you wins, you both lose. Go for a win-win! (Warning: This means compromise.)
4: Break Up the Routine
Routine
has its place in a busy life, but the danger is that the routine will
become a rut, leading to boredom, laziness and sometimes to the case on
the previous page, in which things are taken for granted and no one
remembers to commit tiny acts of love or express gratitude.
Part
of the trick to overcoming routine is to plan ahead, and part of it is
being spontaneous. You'll need to plan for a date with your partner:
Make the dinner reservations, schedule the babysitter and pick out your
outfit. Even so, there are ways to introduce something new into your
plan. Try a new restaurant, wear a color you don't normally wear or undo
one more button on that favorite top you always wear.
Planning sex on
a schedule can be either a boon or a hindrance to passion, so try
making a date for sex, but also be open to finding ways to make sex
happen if the mood strikes. If sex has become a lower priority,
reprioritize! As Dr. Phil says, "Use it or lose it."
Being open to
inspiration is the key to spontaneity. A shoulder rub while watching a
movie is relaxing and might inspire lusty thoughts about what to do when
the movie ends. Saying "I love you" (ideally followed by a kiss) is
easiest of all; you just have to open your mouth and make the sounds.
5: Mind Your Manners
What's
that old saying -- "Familiarity breeds contempt"? This may be true for
some, but more often, familiarity makes people take each other for
granted. In his book, "The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships,"
David Niven, PhD, says, "We define our relationships based not on the
best days or the worst days but on the average days. Strive to be
supportive in average ways on average days, and you will set in place a
major building block of a relationship." Indeed, recent research shows
that gratitude is associated with satisfaction and happiness in a
relationship.
One way to be supportive of your partner is to be
grateful for the things he or she does for you. Say "thank you" often
and sincerely, and say it for even the most mundane things. Holding the
door open, passing the sugar and picking up the dry cleaning are more
obvious occasions, but what about when your partner cooks dinner or
changes the baby's diaper? Be grateful even for the abstract things your
partner does, like making you laugh when you're grouchy, remembering
just how you like your coffee or putting on the perfect music to soothe
your racing mind at the end of a long day. Challenge yourself by
expressing gratitude even when you're in the middle of an argument.
The
more instances you find to be grateful, the more you become aware of
all the tiny acts of love that pass between you and your partner on a
regular basis. Just recognizing them will cast a new light on your
relationship and ignite a little spark.
What women really want in men
The perfect man eats meat, drives an Audi and phones his mum twice a week, a poll of women revealed.
The
ideal fella also drinks beer, not wine or spirits, and earns £48 000
(or a whopping R615 360) a year. He will also be six feet tall, have
short dark hair and smart dress sense.
Vegetarians were a no-no,
whilst being clean shaven and with a smooth chest, according to the poll
of 2000 women by luxury clothing brand Austin Reed.
A spokesman for Austin Reed said: "It would seem that women have high expectations when it comes to the perfect man.
"How a man is presented is obviously going to be a huge part of that.
"Whilst women don’t want a man to be too preened, they would like him to be stylish and up to date with current trends.
"It also nice to see that women favour a smart appearance, as opposed to sportswear."
The
study also found the ideal man should also have a degree and hold down a
decent job. A demanding 15 per cent said they would insist on a suitor
having at least a master’s degree or a PHD. But 70 per cent of girls
said they would prefer to date a man who earned more than them.
The
poll also revealed girls don’t like their other half to be too "deep"
with 43 percent preferring their chap to joke around and have a laugh
rather than enjoy in-depth conversations. Although 86 percent of women
want a man who is sensitive, 64 percent only want him to say "I love
you" when he really means it.
The poll found 39 percent of women
would want her man to love shopping, but a third said they would like a
man to leave the shopping side of things to her. Interestingly, women
would rather her ideal man enjoy watching sport at the pub than watch
soap operas and reality TV shows with them.
Surprisingly two
thirds of women would rather Mr Perfect admitted it when he is eyeing up
other girls, rather than trying to cover it up. Other ‘must haves’ were
that the ideal man should hold a driving licence, must be able to swim
and be able to ride a bike. And girls like a handy man – the poll found
that he should be able to change a car tyre, be able to knock down a
door in an emergency and competently rewire a plug.
But it's not all about being a macho man – Mr Right also has to phone his mother regularly and cry during films
A spokesman for Austin Reed added: "Women certainly know what they want when it comes to that dream man.
"Some of the criteria in the list is pretty superficial and it doesn’t really matter if every man doesn’t tick all the boxes.
"But on face value you have to be attracted to a man and how a man presents himself is going to one of the first things you notice and key to the level of attraction.
Bad Dating Advice Guys Give Each Other
Men may
claim that they don't talk to each other about girls and dating, but
that isn't true. Sure, they don't analyze every relationship problem to
death and then dissect it again and again, piece by piece, the way women
do, but they do talk. And with that talk comes advice. Problem
is, a lot of the time that advice is just bad! Some of the worst dating
advice men give each other is:- Sleep with as many women as you can before you get involved in a serious relationship: For some reason, dudes think getting that number up is a badge of honor ... so silly.
- Wait 3 days to call her: Where
did this stupid advice come from anyway? If you and a girl really hit
it off she isn't going to think you look desperate if you call her the
next day.
- Asking a girl out via text is fine: Yeah, really classy. Come on, guys! What would your mom say?! Make a little effort and pick up the phone!
- Telling a buddy, "She's out of your league": Never let someone else make you miss out on a shot with a great girl. You never know!
Unataka kumjua anayekuibia mumeo? Mbinu hizi zitakufaa!
MPENZI msomaji wangu, mapenzi usipoyajulia yanaweza kukufanya ukawa
chizi. Nasema hivyo kutokana na kile ambacho nimepanga kukiandika leo
kupitia safu yetu hii. Rafiki yangu mmoja wa kike ambaye tumekuwa tukishirikiana katika mambo mengi, juzi alinipa kisa ambacho kilinigusa sana hadi nikapanga leo niwaandikie mada hii ili nanyi muweze kujifunza kitu.
Aliniambia kuwa, wikiendi iliyopita alikuwa amejisikia kummisi sana mpenzi wake ambaye ilikuwa wafunge ndoa miezi kadhaa ijayo. Alisema:
“Nikiwa nyumbani nilimpigia simu, lengo nijue kama yuko nyumbani ili niende tukaliwazane. Wakati naongea naye kwenye simu, kwa nyuma nikasikia sauti ya demu akimuuliza; ‘mpenzi wangu ni nani huyo anakupigia simu’.
“Sauti ile ilinishtua sana na kwa kweli nilichanganyikia. Sikutaka kuwa na papara, nikadhamiria kuhakikisha namnasa mwanamke anayeniharibia uhusiano wangu.
“Kuanzia siku hiyo nikaanza kumfuatilia hadi nikawanasa pamoja. Leo hii naongea na wewe, yule mchumba wangu nimeshaachana naye kwani NIMETHIBITISHA si muaminifu.”
Rafiki yangu huyo ndiye aliyenipa baadhi ya mbinu alizotumia mpaka akamnasa mwizi wake na leo nimeona nikuletee mbinu hizo ili ikiwezekana na wewe uzitumie kumbaini mtu ambaye anakumegea penzi lako.
1. Ikague simu yake
Katika mazingira ya kawaida, haishauriwi kuikaguakagua simu ya mumeo kwani kufanya hivyo ni kuonesha jinsi usivyomuamini lakini unapohisi unaibiwa na hujui ni nani mwizi wako, unaweza kuanza kuikagua simu ya mpenzi wako kwa siri sana.
Angalia simu zilizoingia na kutoka, meseji zilizotumwa na kuingia. Kama kuna mtu ambaye ana uhusiano naye, utagundua lakini tambua kwamba ni zoezi la muda mrefu na fanya hivyo bila mpenzi wako kugundua. Tumia muda anaokwenda kuoga, chooni na anapoisahau simu nyumbani, ipo siku utabaini siri nzito.
Katika mazingira ya kawaida, haishauriwi kuikaguakagua simu ya mumeo kwani kufanya hivyo ni kuonesha jinsi usivyomuamini lakini unapohisi unaibiwa na hujui ni nani mwizi wako, unaweza kuanza kuikagua simu ya mpenzi wako kwa siri sana.
Angalia simu zilizoingia na kutoka, meseji zilizotumwa na kuingia. Kama kuna mtu ambaye ana uhusiano naye, utagundua lakini tambua kwamba ni zoezi la muda mrefu na fanya hivyo bila mpenzi wako kugundua. Tumia muda anaokwenda kuoga, chooni na anapoisahau simu nyumbani, ipo siku utabaini siri nzito.
2. Ingia kwenye Facebook yake
Kama mumeo ni mtu wa facebook na unajua password yake, ingia mara kwa mara kwenye ukurasa wake. Kama ulikuwa hujui mtandao huo wa kijamii sasa hivi unatumiwa na wengi katika kuzisaliti ndoa zao.
Waume za watu wanatumia njia hiyo kuwasiliana na vimada baada ya kubaini wakitumia simu ni rahisi kukamatwa. Kwa maana hiyo, tumia mbinu ya ushawishi kupata password yake na huko unaweza kumbaini mtu anayekuharibia.
Kama mumeo ni mtu wa facebook na unajua password yake, ingia mara kwa mara kwenye ukurasa wake. Kama ulikuwa hujui mtandao huo wa kijamii sasa hivi unatumiwa na wengi katika kuzisaliti ndoa zao.
Waume za watu wanatumia njia hiyo kuwasiliana na vimada baada ya kubaini wakitumia simu ni rahisi kukamatwa. Kwa maana hiyo, tumia mbinu ya ushawishi kupata password yake na huko unaweza kumbaini mtu anayekuharibia.
3. Mfanyie ‘sapraizi’ kazini
Kama mumeo anafanya kazi, elewa kwamba wengi hutumia muda wa ‘lunch’ kuwa na wapenzi wao wa pembeni. Unaweza kumuibukia siku mojamoja kazini kwake au kwenda sehemu ambayo hupendelea kula chakula cha mchana.
Kwa mfano siku ya kwanza umemkuta yuko na demu, ukaondoka kisha siku nyingine ukawakuta tena pamoja, ukaondoka na siku nyingine tena ukawaona katika mazingira hayo, akili yako itakupa jibu.
Hata hivyo, katika njia hii uwe makini kwani inawezekana huyo msichana ni mfanyakazi mwenzake ambaye hupendelea kwenda naye lunch tu na hakuna kingine cha zaidi.
Kama mumeo anafanya kazi, elewa kwamba wengi hutumia muda wa ‘lunch’ kuwa na wapenzi wao wa pembeni. Unaweza kumuibukia siku mojamoja kazini kwake au kwenda sehemu ambayo hupendelea kula chakula cha mchana.
Kwa mfano siku ya kwanza umemkuta yuko na demu, ukaondoka kisha siku nyingine ukawakuta tena pamoja, ukaondoka na siku nyingine tena ukawaona katika mazingira hayo, akili yako itakupa jibu.
Hata hivyo, katika njia hii uwe makini kwani inawezekana huyo msichana ni mfanyakazi mwenzake ambaye hupendelea kwenda naye lunch tu na hakuna kingine cha zaidi.
4. Chunguza nguo zake unapozifua
Wakati unafua nguo zake, tumia muda mwingi kuzichunguza. Angalia kwenye waleti yake, unaweza kukutana na risiti zinazoonesha amenunua vitu vya kike ambavyo wewe hujaviona.
Pia unaweza kukutana na vikaratasi vyenye namba za simu ambazo ukizipiga ni za mwanamke na ukimwambia wewe ni mke wa fulani, anakupa majibu ya kiwiziwizi. Pia kwenye nguo zake unaweza kubaini ‘lipstick’ nyekundu wakati wewe hutumii hiyo.
Wakati unafua nguo zake, tumia muda mwingi kuzichunguza. Angalia kwenye waleti yake, unaweza kukutana na risiti zinazoonesha amenunua vitu vya kike ambavyo wewe hujaviona.
Pia unaweza kukutana na vikaratasi vyenye namba za simu ambazo ukizipiga ni za mwanamke na ukimwambia wewe ni mke wa fulani, anakupa majibu ya kiwiziwizi. Pia kwenye nguo zake unaweza kubaini ‘lipstick’ nyekundu wakati wewe hutumii hiyo.
5. Muazime gari lake
Kama mpenzi wako analo gari, mshitukize kisha muombe gari lake uende sehemu. Kwa kumshitukiza atakuwa hajapata nafasi ya kulisafisha hivyo ukiwa nalo lichunguze kila sehemu.
Unaweza kukutana na risiti, namba za simu au nguo na vitu vya kike ambavyo huvijui. Wapo ambao waliwahi kufanya hivyo na wamefanikiwa kubaini usaliti wanaofanyiwa.
Kama mpenzi wako analo gari, mshitukize kisha muombe gari lake uende sehemu. Kwa kumshitukiza atakuwa hajapata nafasi ya kulisafisha hivyo ukiwa nalo lichunguze kila sehemu.
Unaweza kukutana na risiti, namba za simu au nguo na vitu vya kike ambavyo huvijui. Wapo ambao waliwahi kufanya hivyo na wamefanikiwa kubaini usaliti wanaofanyiwa.
6. Mshitukize baa
Yawezekana mumeo ni mnywaji wa pombe na umekuwa ukimpa uhuru wa kufanya hivyo bila kumfuatilia. Kama umebaini unasalitiwa na humjui anayekuibia penzi lako, siku moja muulize anakunywa pombe wapi, kwa kuwa amezoea huna tabia ya kumfuatilia, atakujibu.
Siku hiyo mfuate, mwanamke utakayemkuta naye mnoti kisha ondoka bila mpenzi wako kujua. Siku nyingine, mbabatize tena akiwa baa na kama utamkuta na msichana yuleyule, basi mwekee alama na kwa uchunguzi ambao utaendelea nao, kuna siku utajua ukweli.
Yawezekana mumeo ni mnywaji wa pombe na umekuwa ukimpa uhuru wa kufanya hivyo bila kumfuatilia. Kama umebaini unasalitiwa na humjui anayekuibia penzi lako, siku moja muulize anakunywa pombe wapi, kwa kuwa amezoea huna tabia ya kumfuatilia, atakujibu.
Siku hiyo mfuate, mwanamke utakayemkuta naye mnoti kisha ondoka bila mpenzi wako kujua. Siku nyingine, mbabatize tena akiwa baa na kama utamkuta na msichana yuleyule, basi mwekee alama na kwa uchunguzi ambao utaendelea nao, kuna siku utajua ukweli.
7. Mfuatilie
Hili nalo halishauriwi kulifanya kwani mpenzi wako akijua unamfuatilia, anaweza kukuacha kwani atajua humuamini na wengi hawapendi kuendelea kuishi na watu ambao hawawaamini. Ila sasa, ukishahisi unasalitiwa huna budi kufanya hivyo.
Tumia watu kufuatilia nyendo zake kila anapokwenda na haitachukua siku nyingi utajua huyo mpenzi wako anakusaliti na mtu gani.
Kwa kifupi ni kwamba, unastahili kuwa na mtu muaminifu, anayekujali na kukupenda kwa dhati. Unapohisi mumeo si muaminifu, usikimbilie kuomba talaka au kuja juu kama moto wa kifuu bila kuwa na ushahidi. Tumia mbinu hizo hapo juu kutafuta ushahidi wa kile unachokihisi na mwishowe utafanya uamuzi sahihi.
Hili nalo halishauriwi kulifanya kwani mpenzi wako akijua unamfuatilia, anaweza kukuacha kwani atajua humuamini na wengi hawapendi kuendelea kuishi na watu ambao hawawaamini. Ila sasa, ukishahisi unasalitiwa huna budi kufanya hivyo.
Tumia watu kufuatilia nyendo zake kila anapokwenda na haitachukua siku nyingi utajua huyo mpenzi wako anakusaliti na mtu gani.
Kwa kifupi ni kwamba, unastahili kuwa na mtu muaminifu, anayekujali na kukupenda kwa dhati. Unapohisi mumeo si muaminifu, usikimbilie kuomba talaka au kuja juu kama moto wa kifuu bila kuwa na ushahidi. Tumia mbinu hizo hapo juu kutafuta ushahidi wa kile unachokihisi na mwishowe utafanya uamuzi sahihi.
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Usithubutu ‘kufeki’, penzi bora hujitengeneza lenyewe Part -2.
Bila shaka wasomaji wangu wote ni wazima wa afya na
mnaendelea na majukumu yenu. Tunaendelea na mada yetu kuanzia pale
tulipoishia.
Twende pamoja...
MZEE Nelson Mandela ‘Madiba’, alitoa talaka kwa bibi yetu, Winnie.
Waliishi miaka mingi, wakazaa watoto ambao wengine kwa sasa ni wakubwa
kabisa. Baadaye akagundua Winnie si bahati yake, leo yupo kwenye ndoa na
Graca Machel, maisha yanaendelea.
Kumbe Graca ndiye bahati ya Mzee Mandela. Ilivyo ni kwamba Winnie alitangulia kwa lengo la kukamilisha safari ya maisha ya babu yetu huyo anayeheshimiwa mno duniani. Chukua mfano huo, halafu jipe matumaini. Maisha ni matamu mno bila ya huyo wako ambaye si bahati yako.
Napenda tena nitie mkazo kwamba mapenzi ni magumu. Kama Mandela yalimuumiza, inashindikana vipi kwako? Ukimpata wa bahati yako, hata uwe maskini unaweza kung’ara na maisha yako yakatawaliwa na faraja, ila ukitumbukia sehemu ambayo si yako, ni mateso ya moyo na sononeko lisilokwisha.
Hapa nifafanue kuwa yule ambaye anajiona yupo kwenye uhusiano salama, basi aendelee hapohapo kwa sababu ndipo kwenye bahati yake. Kwa wale wenye maumivu pale walipo, basi wajiangalie mara mbilimbili. Maisha yanaendelea. Maisha bora yanajengwa na mtu mwenye akili iliyotulia.
Huwezi kuwa na matatizo, akili haitulii kwa sababu ya misukosuko ya kimapenzi, ukadhani kwamba utajenga maisha imara. Hapo utakuwa unajidanganya. Tibu kwanza janga lako la mapenzi ili maisha yako yanyooke. Ikiwezekana, jipe muda wa kukaa ‘singo’. Inawezekana.
Beba zingatio kuwa lipo kundi la watu wanaowachezea wenzi wao lakini maisha yao ya kimapenzi bado ni imara. Japo anayetendwa ni maumivu kwake, ila mtendaji ni sawa tu. Haumii, anamnyanyapaa mwenzi wake na anaendelea kupendwa. Ni bahati tu.
Wewe unasaga miguu na kuumiza kichwa. Kila siku unajitahidi kumtafuta mwenzi bora wa maisha yako lakini hujampata. Badala ya furaha, unavuna machungu mtindo mmoja. Usijione una bahati mbaya, badala yake endelea kuitazama mbele kwa matumaini.
Huyo huelewani naye kwa sababu siyo wa bahati yako. Wako yupo na bahati mbaya hujamfikia. Jambo la kufanya si papara, kuwa mtulivu, utampata kwa urahisi. Ukijifanya bingwa wa kuwapanga na kuwapangua, hutafanikiwa, matokeo yake utampita na mwenzi bora wa maisha yako bila kujua.
Penda kutazama mifano kwa walio karibu yako. Je, wanaishi vipi na wenzi wao? Kama nao picha haziendi, tambua kwamba wanalazimishana. Watu wanaopendana, haiwezekani kila siku wakawa wanasumbuliwa na migogoro. Kuna mawili, moja litakuwa sahihi.
Mosi; wote hawapendani ila walijikuta wapo pamoja kwa mvuto wa tamaa za mwili, nao wakajidanganya ni mapenzi, hivyo wakawa pamoja. Pili; kama mosi haikuwa sahihi, basi itakuwa mmoja anapenda, mwingine analeta utani, hivyo kufanya misuguano isiyoisha.
Mapenzi yana nguvu yenye mvutano mithili ya sumaku. Hoja hapa ni kuwa endapo kutakuwa na mapenzi ya kweli, mara nyingi mtajikuta mpo kwenye mstari mmoja, kwani kuna nguvu ya asili ambayo hamuioni, inayowaweka pamoja muda wote. Ni nadra kutofautiana.,,itaendelea........
Kumbe Graca ndiye bahati ya Mzee Mandela. Ilivyo ni kwamba Winnie alitangulia kwa lengo la kukamilisha safari ya maisha ya babu yetu huyo anayeheshimiwa mno duniani. Chukua mfano huo, halafu jipe matumaini. Maisha ni matamu mno bila ya huyo wako ambaye si bahati yako.
Napenda tena nitie mkazo kwamba mapenzi ni magumu. Kama Mandela yalimuumiza, inashindikana vipi kwako? Ukimpata wa bahati yako, hata uwe maskini unaweza kung’ara na maisha yako yakatawaliwa na faraja, ila ukitumbukia sehemu ambayo si yako, ni mateso ya moyo na sononeko lisilokwisha.
Hapa nifafanue kuwa yule ambaye anajiona yupo kwenye uhusiano salama, basi aendelee hapohapo kwa sababu ndipo kwenye bahati yake. Kwa wale wenye maumivu pale walipo, basi wajiangalie mara mbilimbili. Maisha yanaendelea. Maisha bora yanajengwa na mtu mwenye akili iliyotulia.
Huwezi kuwa na matatizo, akili haitulii kwa sababu ya misukosuko ya kimapenzi, ukadhani kwamba utajenga maisha imara. Hapo utakuwa unajidanganya. Tibu kwanza janga lako la mapenzi ili maisha yako yanyooke. Ikiwezekana, jipe muda wa kukaa ‘singo’. Inawezekana.
Beba zingatio kuwa lipo kundi la watu wanaowachezea wenzi wao lakini maisha yao ya kimapenzi bado ni imara. Japo anayetendwa ni maumivu kwake, ila mtendaji ni sawa tu. Haumii, anamnyanyapaa mwenzi wake na anaendelea kupendwa. Ni bahati tu.
Wewe unasaga miguu na kuumiza kichwa. Kila siku unajitahidi kumtafuta mwenzi bora wa maisha yako lakini hujampata. Badala ya furaha, unavuna machungu mtindo mmoja. Usijione una bahati mbaya, badala yake endelea kuitazama mbele kwa matumaini.
Huyo huelewani naye kwa sababu siyo wa bahati yako. Wako yupo na bahati mbaya hujamfikia. Jambo la kufanya si papara, kuwa mtulivu, utampata kwa urahisi. Ukijifanya bingwa wa kuwapanga na kuwapangua, hutafanikiwa, matokeo yake utampita na mwenzi bora wa maisha yako bila kujua.
Penda kutazama mifano kwa walio karibu yako. Je, wanaishi vipi na wenzi wao? Kama nao picha haziendi, tambua kwamba wanalazimishana. Watu wanaopendana, haiwezekani kila siku wakawa wanasumbuliwa na migogoro. Kuna mawili, moja litakuwa sahihi.
Mosi; wote hawapendani ila walijikuta wapo pamoja kwa mvuto wa tamaa za mwili, nao wakajidanganya ni mapenzi, hivyo wakawa pamoja. Pili; kama mosi haikuwa sahihi, basi itakuwa mmoja anapenda, mwingine analeta utani, hivyo kufanya misuguano isiyoisha.
Mapenzi yana nguvu yenye mvutano mithili ya sumaku. Hoja hapa ni kuwa endapo kutakuwa na mapenzi ya kweli, mara nyingi mtajikuta mpo kwenye mstari mmoja, kwani kuna nguvu ya asili ambayo hamuioni, inayowaweka pamoja muda wote. Ni nadra kutofautiana.,,itaendelea........
Usithubutu ‘kufeki’, penzi bora hujitengeneza lenyewe..t...PART.1
YALIANZA kuumbwa maisha halafu mapenzi ndiyo yakafuata. Aliumbwa
Adam, baadaye akaletewa Hawa kisha mapenzi ndiyo yakaanza. Hii ina maana
kuwa maisha yalianza kwa upande wa Adam kabla ya mapenzi. Hili zingatia
katika kutafsiri sura ya kule uendako maishani.
Hata wewe jiulize, ulipozaliwa ulikuwa hujui mapenzi ni nini? Hapa sizungumzii mapenzi ya kawaida, yale ambayo mtu anaweza kuyapata kutoka kwa wazazi wake au ndugu zake wengine. Yanayotajwa hapa ni mapenzi katika maana yake halisi. Mapenzi ya ndani kabisa.
Yale ambayo huwafanya watu waziache familia zao za asili na kwenda kutengeneza nyingine. Nayazungumzia yale ambayo yanawafanya watu wanauana, wengine wanakunywa sumu. Yanayowatesa watu mpaka wanashindwa kula na kadhalika.
Swali ni moja; Kama iliwezekana kuishi bila mapenzi mpaka ulipofikisha umri wa utu uzima, iweje leo yakutawale mpaka ushindwe kujiendesha mwenyewe? Haipingiki kwamba mapenzi ni muhimu lakini hayapaswi kutawala ubongo wako. Utafeli haraka.
Mapenzi ni mazuri kwako endapo utaweza kuyamudu. Yakikushinda wewe ni mtumwa. Kaa, tuliza akili halafu tafakari. Baada ya hapo chukua hatua. Haijalishi umeshaathirika kiasi gani, muhimu kwako ni kuzingatia kwamba inawezekana kubadilika.
Japo unapenda mno, unajitahidi kuonesha unajali katika mazingira yoyote. Umemfanya mwenzako sawa na mboni yako kwa namna unavyomtunza. Kama yeye harudishi mapenzi unayompa, hajali na kukupa heshima kulingana na ile unayompa, angalia maisha yako kwanza.
Angalizo; Ukimng’ang’ania sana, atakugeuza punda. Atajipa kiburi kwamba anaweza kufanya lolote nawe utatii kwa sababu unampenda. Usidanganywe na imani zisizokuwepo, binadamu hawekwi kiganjani wala kwenye chupa. Una akili hai, tazama mbele pengine hapo si kwenye bahati yako.
Kama anashindwa kukuthamini kwa namna unavyompenda, hawezi kuyapenda maisha yako. Atakutumia atakavyo, akishatimiza malengo yake, atakuacha ukihangaika na dunia. Wakati huo yeye yupo na mtu wake anayempenda, atakuwa anakucheka.
Akikaa na marafiki zake, atawaambia kwamba yeye ndiye alikuwa nyota yako, kwamba ulipokuwa naye maisha yako yalikuwa rahisi na hivi sasa umechoka baada ya kuachana naye. Hatazungumza jinsi alivyokutesa, akakuweka roho juu, akakusababishia maumivu ya moyo mpaka ukashindwa kutekeleza majukumu yako.
Usikubali muda wako upotee bure. Maisha yako ni ya thamani, yupo nawe leo lakini kesho inawezekana si wa kwako. Lakini maisha yatabaki kuwa yako kwa mazingira yoyote yale. Hoja yangu hapa ni kwamba mapenzi yasikutawale mpaka ukasahau maisha.
Wengi waliishia njiani, walijiaminisha wanapendana kutoka ndani ya kuta za nyoyo zao. Wakaahidiana kuwa hakuna kitakachowatenganisha. Siku yalipotimia, ahadi zote zikayeyuka. Hupaswi kung’ang’ania ulipo, bali yafaa ujiulize, je, hapo ndipo kwenye bahati yako?
Watu kwenye ndoa wameachana, si kwamba walipenda la hasha! Wachumba wanaishia njiani, vilevile marafiki walioamini wanachanua, wakapeana mkono wa kwa heri. Ni vizuri kukubali kwamba jitihada hazishindi kudura. Pamoja na mapenzi yako makubwa, unavyojali, unavyomheshimu kama si bahati yako hamuwezi kudumu.
Haijalishi utu wako ni wa thamani kiasi gani.
Hata wewe jiulize, ulipozaliwa ulikuwa hujui mapenzi ni nini? Hapa sizungumzii mapenzi ya kawaida, yale ambayo mtu anaweza kuyapata kutoka kwa wazazi wake au ndugu zake wengine. Yanayotajwa hapa ni mapenzi katika maana yake halisi. Mapenzi ya ndani kabisa.
Yale ambayo huwafanya watu waziache familia zao za asili na kwenda kutengeneza nyingine. Nayazungumzia yale ambayo yanawafanya watu wanauana, wengine wanakunywa sumu. Yanayowatesa watu mpaka wanashindwa kula na kadhalika.
Swali ni moja; Kama iliwezekana kuishi bila mapenzi mpaka ulipofikisha umri wa utu uzima, iweje leo yakutawale mpaka ushindwe kujiendesha mwenyewe? Haipingiki kwamba mapenzi ni muhimu lakini hayapaswi kutawala ubongo wako. Utafeli haraka.
Mapenzi ni mazuri kwako endapo utaweza kuyamudu. Yakikushinda wewe ni mtumwa. Kaa, tuliza akili halafu tafakari. Baada ya hapo chukua hatua. Haijalishi umeshaathirika kiasi gani, muhimu kwako ni kuzingatia kwamba inawezekana kubadilika.
Japo unapenda mno, unajitahidi kuonesha unajali katika mazingira yoyote. Umemfanya mwenzako sawa na mboni yako kwa namna unavyomtunza. Kama yeye harudishi mapenzi unayompa, hajali na kukupa heshima kulingana na ile unayompa, angalia maisha yako kwanza.
Angalizo; Ukimng’ang’ania sana, atakugeuza punda. Atajipa kiburi kwamba anaweza kufanya lolote nawe utatii kwa sababu unampenda. Usidanganywe na imani zisizokuwepo, binadamu hawekwi kiganjani wala kwenye chupa. Una akili hai, tazama mbele pengine hapo si kwenye bahati yako.
Kama anashindwa kukuthamini kwa namna unavyompenda, hawezi kuyapenda maisha yako. Atakutumia atakavyo, akishatimiza malengo yake, atakuacha ukihangaika na dunia. Wakati huo yeye yupo na mtu wake anayempenda, atakuwa anakucheka.
Akikaa na marafiki zake, atawaambia kwamba yeye ndiye alikuwa nyota yako, kwamba ulipokuwa naye maisha yako yalikuwa rahisi na hivi sasa umechoka baada ya kuachana naye. Hatazungumza jinsi alivyokutesa, akakuweka roho juu, akakusababishia maumivu ya moyo mpaka ukashindwa kutekeleza majukumu yako.
Usikubali muda wako upotee bure. Maisha yako ni ya thamani, yupo nawe leo lakini kesho inawezekana si wa kwako. Lakini maisha yatabaki kuwa yako kwa mazingira yoyote yale. Hoja yangu hapa ni kwamba mapenzi yasikutawale mpaka ukasahau maisha.
Wengi waliishia njiani, walijiaminisha wanapendana kutoka ndani ya kuta za nyoyo zao. Wakaahidiana kuwa hakuna kitakachowatenganisha. Siku yalipotimia, ahadi zote zikayeyuka. Hupaswi kung’ang’ania ulipo, bali yafaa ujiulize, je, hapo ndipo kwenye bahati yako?
Watu kwenye ndoa wameachana, si kwamba walipenda la hasha! Wachumba wanaishia njiani, vilevile marafiki walioamini wanachanua, wakapeana mkono wa kwa heri. Ni vizuri kukubali kwamba jitihada hazishindi kudura. Pamoja na mapenzi yako makubwa, unavyojali, unavyomheshimu kama si bahati yako hamuwezi kudumu.
Haijalishi utu wako ni wa thamani kiasi gani.
NI KOSA KUMWAMBIA MPENZI WAKO MUWAPO FARAGHA KUWA ''UMECHOKA''........PART .1.
TUNAENDELEA kuyajadili mapenzi. Kuna vitu vingi ambavyo vinasababisha uhusiano wa wengi kudumu. Maelewano, kusikilizana, kuheshimiana na mengineyo, lakini unyumba ni chachandu yenye nguvu. Nimekuwa nikiwashauri wasomaji wangu vitu vingi lakini hili nimeteua nilichambue kwa ufafanuzi leo.
Kuna watu ambao wamekuwa hodari kujisifu kuwa wao hutoa unyumba kwa ‘kibaba’. Yaani huwapimia wenzi wao. Kwa mitazamo yao, hujiona wapo sahihi. Tabia hii ipo kwa wanawake zaidi, japo kuna wanaume ambao nao ni wagumu kutekeleza mahitaji ya wapenzi wao.
Hata hivyo, kuna kitu cha kuweka sawa hapa; Wakati mwanamke anapobana ‘staftahi’ kwa mwenzake, huhesabika ni mchoyo! Kwa mwanaume yeye huonekana ni goigoi. Kwamba mambo hayawezi ndiyo maana hatekelezi shughuli. Ataambiwa ana tatizo la zile nguvu zetu!
Mwanamke anaweza kujisifu hata kwa wenzake. Akiwa kwenye vikao vya kusukana au katika soga nyingine, atajimwagia sifa tele kwamba yeye inaweza kupita miezi bila kuingia uwanjani na mwenzi wake. Hili, linawafanya wanaume wengi wateseke na matokeo yake hutafuta tiba mbadala.
Mwanaume hawezi kujisifu kwa marafiki zake kuwa yeye huwa akisumbuliwa na mwenzi wake, humpa mgongo! Ni wazi akisema hivyo atachekwa. Yaani mwanamke kugomea kutoa unyumba ni ushujaa wakati mwanaume akikataa, atachukuliwa kwamba ana tatizo la kiafya! Dhana hii sikubaliani nayo, kwahiyo nahitaji kutoa shule!
Kwangu mimi, kila aliye mvivu wa kuingia shughulini ana tatizo! Kwa mwanaume na mwanamke, wote wana kasoro ya nguvu, kwa maana hiyo wanahitaji tiba mbadala ili waweze kusherehekea tendo. Wanatakiwa kuboresha mvuto wao katika ndoa au uhusiano, na nafasi ya kutekeleza hilo ipo!
Ni lazima watu waheshimu uhusiano wao wa kimapenzi. Pia waelewe kwamba moja kati ya vitu vinavyoshikilia penzi lao ni unyumba. Ni wakati muafaka kwako sasa, kuachana na mawazo ya kale. Punguza uvivu na ujue kuwajibika inavyotakiwa, kwa maana ni njia ya kutibu amani yako mwenyewe na mwenzio.
Utafiti unaonesha kwamba asilimia kubwa ya ndoa zinazovurugika kila siku, nyuma yake huwa na shambulio la wanandoa kutopeana huduma ya tendo. Kwamba, wanavumiliana lakini mwisho sauti itasikika kwa majirani. Watakapokuwa wanagombezana usiku, siri hugeuka sirini.
Tendo la ndoa, hukamilisha furaha ya wawili walioamua kupendana. Tunapoamua kuacha siasa na kuzingatia ukweli kwa vipimo vyake, watu wengi (hasa wanaume), wanapoingia kwenye uhusiano wa kimapenzi, lengo lao la kwanza ni kutimiza haja zao kimwili kwa mtu husika. Nazungumza kwa utafiti!
Walikutana barabarani, akavutiwa ndiyo maana akaanza misele. Anapofanikiwa, vikwazo vya baadaye, inakuwa siyo matarajio yake. Alichotarajia ni kwamba baada ya kukubaliana kuingia kwenye sehemu yenu ‘spesho’, atakuwa hapimiwi! Kwa kiwango chochote atakachohitaji, mwenzi wake atamridhia.
Aghalabu, wapenzi ambao wanajikuta wapo kwenye mgogoro wa tendo, mara nyingi hukabiliwa na tatizo la usaliti. Ni theluthi moja ya wanawake wanaoweza kumvumilia mwanaume ambaye hamtoshelezi kimwili, wakati kwa wanaume ni moja ya kumi tu ndiyo wenye kuvuta subira mpaka siku watakapokumbukwa.
“Huyu mbona yupo hivi, kila siku anasema kachoka, atakuwa na mtu huko nje,” ni kauli ambayo ni rahisi kupita kichwani kwa mwanamke, pale ambapo anakabiliana na mwenzi ambaye haguswi chochote na tamaa za mwili, ingawa inaelezwa kwamba ni moja ya kumi ya wanawake ndiyo hukosa usingizi kwa kunyimwa tendo.itaendelea......
Usijipe presha, kama unampenda muamini kisha aziba masikio!
Assalam alaikum mpenzi msomaji wangu wa safu hii. Mambo vipi?
Natumani kwamba muwazima kabisa na mnaendelea vyema na majukumu yenu ya
kila siku. Mimi namshukuru Mungu kwani amekuwa akinipa nguvu ya kuandika
haya ninayoamini yana manufaa kwenu.
Ndugu zangu, ili uweze kudumu katika uhusiano wako unatakiwa kujenga
mazingira ya kumuamini sana mpenzi wako. Nasema hivyo kwa kuwa, mapenzi
ni imani. Ni sawa na kuamini Mungu yupo licha ya kwamba hujawahi
kumuona.
Vivyo hivyo, amini tu kwamba mpenzi wako anakupenda kwa dhati licha
ya kwamba hujaufungua moyo wake na kathibitisha kwamba ndani yake uko
wewe peke yako.
Mpende, muamini na weka akilini mwako kwamba, kamwe hawezi kukusaliti
licha ya kwamba kinyume chake pia ni sawa. Hiyo itakusaidia wewe
kuendelea kuishi maisha ya furaha na amani bila kuwa na presha.
Jiulize, ni wanaume wangapi ambao wake zao wanagawa penzi nje ya ndoa
lakini wao wanawaamini kupita maelezo? Ni wanawake wangapi ambao waume
zao ni viwembe kwelikweli lakini wanawaamini kupindukia? Unadhani ni kwa
nini? Ni kwa sababu wamejijengea mazingira ya kuwaamini wenzao wao wa
kiwango kikubwa na kuziba masikio yao kukwepa wambeya.
Tutambue tu kwamba, katika maisha kuna kitu kuridhika. Unapokuwa na
mtu ambaye anakupa kila aina ya furaha maishani mwako bila kuonesha
tabia zozote zinazokutia mashaka juu ya penzi lake, huyo mpende,
mheshimu na muamini.
Hata kama kuna uwezekano wa yeye kuwa anaficha makucha yake na
kuyachomoa pale anapokuwa mbali na wewe, kwa sababu huna uhakika na
hujawahi kumuona, chukulia kwamba yeye ni msafi kisha yaache maisha yenu
yaendelee kuwepo.
Nasema hivyo kwa sababu, tukianza kuchunguzana hakuna ambaye ni msafi
kwa asilimia mia moja. Kila mtu anajiamini mwenyewe lakini huwezi
kuiamini nafsi ya mwenzako kwa asilimia zote.
Ndiyo maana nikasema, unapoingia katika uhusiano na mtu ambaye
umetokea kumpenda sana, ongea na moyo wako. Moyo wako ndiyo utakueleza
kama mpenzi wako ni muaminifu ama siyo na pindi utakapoona dalili za
kwamba ni tapeli wa mapenzi mwenye lengo la kutaka kukuchezea kisha
kukuacha solemba, usimng’ang’anie eti tu kwa sababu umeoza kwake,
muache!
Tatizo tulilonalo wengi ni kutokuwa tayari kuwakosa wale ambao
tumetokea kuwapenda sana bila kujua kwamba unaweza kutokea kumpenda mtu
lakini yeye akawa hana mapenzi ya dhati moyoni mwake dhidi yako. Ifike
wakati tukubaliane na uhalisia kwamba, unapoona uliyenaye anakuzingua,
yupo mwingine mwenye penzi la dhati kwako ambaye anasubiri umuache huyo
uliyenaye ili awekeze penzi lake kwako.
Kwa kumalizia naomba niseme kwamba, mapenzi ya siku hizi usipoangalia
yanaweza kukufanya ukawa chizi. Hii ndiyo inayosababisha baadhi ya watu
kufikia hatua ya kusema kwamba, hawahitaji kuwa na wapenzi katika
maisha yao. Kwa nini? Kwa sababu kila uhusiano wanaoingia wanakutana na
usanii.
Elewa kwamba, una haki ya kupenda na kupendwa, ukishampata yule
unayedhani atayafanya maisha yako kuwa ya furaha, mpende kwa dhati na
muamini kwamba hawezi kukusaliti lakini, wakati huo hutakiwi kubweteka,
chunguza nyendo zake na kama utabaini kwamba anajiheshimu, ongeza
mapenzi kwake lakini kama utabaini kuwa hajatulia, muache.
Watu wenye tabia hii husababisha mapenzi kuwa magumu
Mapenzi yamekuwa magumu. Ni mzigo mzito kuubeba. Yanaendelea kujeruhi
wengi, bado ni mateso kwa wengine. Sasa hivi, asilimia kubwa ya watu
inaamini kwamba kupata mwenzi sahihi wa maisha ni ndoto za alinacha. Ni
kamari, ni bahati nasibu.
Maendeleo yamekuja na mambo leo. Kile kinachoonekana ni Uzungu,
kimeathiri kwa kiasi kikubwa ustaarabu wetu. Mila na desturi zetu
vimepokwa na utandawazi uliotujia. Hii inamaanisha kwamba uhusiano wa
kimapenzi wa sasa, hauendani na sura ya utamaduni wetu.
Vijijini kuna unafuu japo na kwenyewe fujo zimeshaingia na mambo
yameshabadilika. Mijini ndiyo matatizo yenyewe. Ulimwengu wa digitali na
fursa za mitandao zinatutia wazimu. Tunataka kuiga mitindo ya maisha ya
wenzetu, matokeo yake tunageuka watumwa wa mapenzi.
Hayakuletwa mapenzi ili yawaumize watu, yapo kwa ajili ya kutoa
faraja ndani ya jamii. Yalivyo ni kwamba baada ya misukosuko ya
kimaisha, vurugu mechi za kusaka riziki na mihangaiko mingine ya
kimaisha, angalau unaweza kusahau yote unaporejea kwa mwenzi wako.
Hata hivyo, mapenzi hugeuka matatizo pale ambapo kazini umeondoka
pakiwa moto, unarudi nyumbani nako pia unakuta moto. Unakosa sehemu ya
kwenda kujishikiza. Faraja inaota mbawa. Hapa ndipo tafsiri ya mapenzi
inapokosa mashiko. Jitazame, muangalie na mwenzako!
Japo ni ukweli usiopingika kuwa mapenzi siku zote hayapo tambarare
hata kwa wenza waliostaarabika, ila katika kundi la mabrazameni na
masistaduu ni mtihani. Kuna usemi kwamba glasi hugongana kabatini,
nakubaliana nao lakini kwa makundi hayo ni pasua kichwa.
Mabrazameni na masistaduu ni zao la mapenzi ya Kichina, yaani
uhusiano bandia. Inawezekana akiwa kwako akajilegeza kama amefika, kumbe
anao wengine wengi. Hili ni janga zito kwa maisha ya sasa. Uaminifu
haupo, uzinzi na usaliti vimekuwa fasheni ya kutukuzwa.
Wengine siyo masistaduu wala mabrazameni, wapo kawaida au pengine
wana muonekano wa heshima mno. Hata hivyo, ukichimbua hulka zao ndiyo
utachoka. Ni wakali wa kuwapanga foleni, akitoka kwa huyu anakwenda kwa
yule. Mapenzi yametawaliwa na rangi ya Shetani.
Wapo wanaobadili wapenzi kwa sababu za tamaa, lipo kundi linaloamini
miili yao ni mtaji wa kupata fedha, wengine shida za maisha
zikasababisha uamuzi huo wa kujidhalilisha, wapo ambao ni tabia. Bila
kugusa huku na huko hatosheki. Makundi yote hayo yamezingirwa na
Ibilisi.
Mume wa mtu, anapewa sifa ya ‘uchapaji’ wa vidosho. Kwamba anajua
kuwapanga kila kona. Nyumba za kulala wageni, anaingia kama nyumbani
kwake. Yaani wanamjua, ni mteja wao hodari. Akifika, wanampeleka kwenye
chumba anachokipenda.
Wapo wanaopiga simu, yaani namba za nyumba za kulala wageni zimejaa
kwenye simu yake. Akijibiwa kwamba Sinza Kumekucha hakuna vyumba,
anapiga Vatican, nako akikosa anajaribu Mori. Inahitaji sala na dua
kuishi na mtu wa aina hiyo. Kuna mawili, kama hatakupa maradhi, omba
usijue tabia yake, atakuua kwa presha.
Siri nzito za kumpagawisha mpenzi wako!
Ili uweze kuwa na furaha maishani, lazima uwe katika uhusiano imara
usiotetereka. Kama unaishi na mke au mume ambaye moyo wako umemchagua
lazima furaha itatawala katika nyumba yenu. Lakini rafiki zangu, huwezi
kuwa katika ndoa yenye furaha kama hukuwa na mchumba bora. Kwa maneno
mengine, lazima uanze kuboresha uchumba wako kwanza, uwe na uhakika
kwamba mwenzi uliyenaye ni sahihi ili ukiingia kwenye ndoa usijute.
Mapenzi ni sawa na bustani nzuri ya maua rafiki zangu, wakati mwingine inahitaji mbolea, kumwagiliwa maji na hata kupaliliwa.
Kwa kufanya hivyo utazidisha ladha ya mapenzi na kuyafanya yazidi kuwa na nguvu zaidi ya awali. Lakini kama hutamwagilia, hutaweka mbolea, hutapalilia, hesabu kwamba mapenzi yako yanaweza kuanza kupoteza nguvu taratibu na hatimaye kufa kabisa.
Kikubwa ambacho nimepanga kuzungumza nanyi leo ni jinsi ya kumpagawisha mwenzi wako ili awe wako peke yako. Umeshawahi kufikiria kwamba, kama ukishindwa kutimiza mambo fulani katika penzi au ndoa yako, mwenzi wako anaweza kuwa wa kushea?
Kama bado, inakubidi ufahamu hilo kuanzia leo. Mpenzi anahitaji mambo mengi ili aendelee kuwa mwaminifu kwenye penzi lenu. Ni kweli kwamba uaminifu upo kwa mtu mwenyewe, kama mtu ni mwaminifu basi atadumisha uaminifu uliopo ndani yake, lakini kama kuna mambo unakosea, lazima utasalitiwa!
Tena basi, kama mwenzi wako anakupenda, atakusaliti huku analia! Kwanini? Kwasababu analizwa ba kitendo ambacho hajapenda kukifanya ila wewe mwenyewe ndiyo umemlazimisha afanye hivyo.
Kuna nini zaidi katika dhana ya usaliti?
Tukiachana na tamaa, hulka na ushawishi, wakati mwingine mpenzi anaweza kusaliti kwa kukosa yale ya muhimu zaidi katika penzi au ndoa yake.
Kwa bahati mbaya sana, watu wa aina hii huwa hawasemi moja kwa moja kuwa wanakosa vitu fulani au wanapenda vitu fulani, badala yake hutumia lugha za ishara zaidi na kama hutaelewa basi huona suluhisho ni kutafuta pumziko lingine.
Hapa sasa mwenzi wako anakuwa si wako peke yako tena! Lakini lazima uhakikishe mpenzi wako anaendelea kuwa wako bila kushea na mtu yeyote na jambo hili linawezekana kabisa ikiwa wewe mwenyewe utataka iwe hivyo.
Zipo hatua au mambo mengi ya kumfanyia mpenzi wako ili awe wako peke yako, lakini hapa nitakupa yale ya msingi zaidi yatakayokusaidia katika penzi lako.
Njia hizi za siri nimezifananisha na shamba au bustani, ambayo ina mahitaji yake. Sasa katika uchambuzi huu, nitaainisha jinsi ya kuitunza bustani hii ya mapenzi ili kuifanya bora zaidi kila siku.
Kitu cha kwanza kabisa ni mbelea. Hapa nazungumzia penzi ambalo tayari limeshakuwa penzi! Kama ni bustani basi tayari mboga zako zimemea vizuri.
Lakini ukumbuke kwamba, bustani yako haitaweza kuendelea kuwa bora kama haitakuwa na matunzo. Hapa penzi linahitaji mbolea.
Mbolea ninayoizungumzia hapa ni maneno matamu yaliyojaa huba. Fikisha hisia zako kwa mwenzi wako kwa namna ya kipekee iliyojaa penzi la dhati.
Mweleze jinsi unavyompenda na jinsi maisha yako ambavyo hayawezi kukamilika bila yeye. Huu ni wakati wako wa kumsumbua kwa meseji zilizojaa tungo za mahaba, kadi, maua na zawadi ndogo ndogo.
Baadhi ya wanandoa wakishaoana, huacha utaratibu huu. Kuna wanaosema: “Ah! Hayo mambo ya kizamani bwana, kipindi akiwa demu wangu, sasa hivi yupo ndani, kwanini nihangaike?”
Haya ni makosa makubwa ndugu yangu. Shamba bila mbolea kuna mavuno kweli? Huwezi kuvuna.
Kitu kingine muhimu katika bustani, kama ujuavyo mpenzi msomaji wangu ni maji. Bustani yako itahitaji maji kwa ajili ya kuzidisha ustawi wa mazao yako. Hapa unatakiwa kuwa mbunifu zaidi katika mambo yanayohusu mapenzi moja kwa moja.
Unatakiwa kubadilisha aina ya ufanywaji wa mapenzi, mahali pa kukutana na hata sehemu za mitoko. Inashauriwa ili kuboresha penzi ni vizuri kutoka sehemu mbalimbali na mwenzi wako. Inapendeza zaidi angalau mara tatu kwa miezi sita, kulala na mwenzako hotelini.
Hapa utakuwa unanakshi zaidi penzi lako. Outing yako ni vyema ikawa ya kimahaba zaidi, kuanzia mavazi, sehemu mnazotembelea n.k
Mfanyie mwenzi wako mambo ya kimahaba sana mnapokuwa wawili. Mbusu, mkumbatie, mwambie jinsi unavyojisikia wa pekee kuwa wake. Utundu wako wote umalizie hapa, ukifanya hivyo utakuwa umemwagilia bustani yako vyema.
Baada ya muda bustani huota majani mengine ambayo si mboga! Yawezekana kabisa, kwa bahati mbaya uchafu ukaingia bustanini. Wakati wa palizi ni muda sahihi wa kuondoa vyote hivyo.
Hata katika mapenzi pia hutakiwa kufanya jambo hili. Kugombana au kupishana kiswahili kwa wapenzi ni jambo la kawaida sana, hivyo ni vyema kuweka sawa tofauti hizo mapema, kabla tatizo halijawa kubwa zaidi. Hii ndiyo palizi ninayoizungumzia.
Usikae na kinyongo moyoni mwako, kuwa mjanja, hata kama ni yeye ndiye aliyekosea, zungumza naye ukimweleza jinsi ambavyo hupendi mgombane, mkimweleza hisia zako kwamba unatamani sana muelewane katika siku zote za maisha yenu. Weka mambo sawa.
Mapenzi ni sawa na bustani nzuri ya maua rafiki zangu, wakati mwingine inahitaji mbolea, kumwagiliwa maji na hata kupaliliwa.
Kwa kufanya hivyo utazidisha ladha ya mapenzi na kuyafanya yazidi kuwa na nguvu zaidi ya awali. Lakini kama hutamwagilia, hutaweka mbolea, hutapalilia, hesabu kwamba mapenzi yako yanaweza kuanza kupoteza nguvu taratibu na hatimaye kufa kabisa.
Kikubwa ambacho nimepanga kuzungumza nanyi leo ni jinsi ya kumpagawisha mwenzi wako ili awe wako peke yako. Umeshawahi kufikiria kwamba, kama ukishindwa kutimiza mambo fulani katika penzi au ndoa yako, mwenzi wako anaweza kuwa wa kushea?
Kama bado, inakubidi ufahamu hilo kuanzia leo. Mpenzi anahitaji mambo mengi ili aendelee kuwa mwaminifu kwenye penzi lenu. Ni kweli kwamba uaminifu upo kwa mtu mwenyewe, kama mtu ni mwaminifu basi atadumisha uaminifu uliopo ndani yake, lakini kama kuna mambo unakosea, lazima utasalitiwa!
Tena basi, kama mwenzi wako anakupenda, atakusaliti huku analia! Kwanini? Kwasababu analizwa ba kitendo ambacho hajapenda kukifanya ila wewe mwenyewe ndiyo umemlazimisha afanye hivyo.
Kuna nini zaidi katika dhana ya usaliti?
Tukiachana na tamaa, hulka na ushawishi, wakati mwingine mpenzi anaweza kusaliti kwa kukosa yale ya muhimu zaidi katika penzi au ndoa yake.
Kwa bahati mbaya sana, watu wa aina hii huwa hawasemi moja kwa moja kuwa wanakosa vitu fulani au wanapenda vitu fulani, badala yake hutumia lugha za ishara zaidi na kama hutaelewa basi huona suluhisho ni kutafuta pumziko lingine.
Hapa sasa mwenzi wako anakuwa si wako peke yako tena! Lakini lazima uhakikishe mpenzi wako anaendelea kuwa wako bila kushea na mtu yeyote na jambo hili linawezekana kabisa ikiwa wewe mwenyewe utataka iwe hivyo.
Zipo hatua au mambo mengi ya kumfanyia mpenzi wako ili awe wako peke yako, lakini hapa nitakupa yale ya msingi zaidi yatakayokusaidia katika penzi lako.
Njia hizi za siri nimezifananisha na shamba au bustani, ambayo ina mahitaji yake. Sasa katika uchambuzi huu, nitaainisha jinsi ya kuitunza bustani hii ya mapenzi ili kuifanya bora zaidi kila siku.
Kitu cha kwanza kabisa ni mbelea. Hapa nazungumzia penzi ambalo tayari limeshakuwa penzi! Kama ni bustani basi tayari mboga zako zimemea vizuri.
Lakini ukumbuke kwamba, bustani yako haitaweza kuendelea kuwa bora kama haitakuwa na matunzo. Hapa penzi linahitaji mbolea.
Mbolea ninayoizungumzia hapa ni maneno matamu yaliyojaa huba. Fikisha hisia zako kwa mwenzi wako kwa namna ya kipekee iliyojaa penzi la dhati.
Mweleze jinsi unavyompenda na jinsi maisha yako ambavyo hayawezi kukamilika bila yeye. Huu ni wakati wako wa kumsumbua kwa meseji zilizojaa tungo za mahaba, kadi, maua na zawadi ndogo ndogo.
Baadhi ya wanandoa wakishaoana, huacha utaratibu huu. Kuna wanaosema: “Ah! Hayo mambo ya kizamani bwana, kipindi akiwa demu wangu, sasa hivi yupo ndani, kwanini nihangaike?”
Haya ni makosa makubwa ndugu yangu. Shamba bila mbolea kuna mavuno kweli? Huwezi kuvuna.
Kitu kingine muhimu katika bustani, kama ujuavyo mpenzi msomaji wangu ni maji. Bustani yako itahitaji maji kwa ajili ya kuzidisha ustawi wa mazao yako. Hapa unatakiwa kuwa mbunifu zaidi katika mambo yanayohusu mapenzi moja kwa moja.
Unatakiwa kubadilisha aina ya ufanywaji wa mapenzi, mahali pa kukutana na hata sehemu za mitoko. Inashauriwa ili kuboresha penzi ni vizuri kutoka sehemu mbalimbali na mwenzi wako. Inapendeza zaidi angalau mara tatu kwa miezi sita, kulala na mwenzako hotelini.
Hapa utakuwa unanakshi zaidi penzi lako. Outing yako ni vyema ikawa ya kimahaba zaidi, kuanzia mavazi, sehemu mnazotembelea n.k
Mfanyie mwenzi wako mambo ya kimahaba sana mnapokuwa wawili. Mbusu, mkumbatie, mwambie jinsi unavyojisikia wa pekee kuwa wake. Utundu wako wote umalizie hapa, ukifanya hivyo utakuwa umemwagilia bustani yako vyema.
Baada ya muda bustani huota majani mengine ambayo si mboga! Yawezekana kabisa, kwa bahati mbaya uchafu ukaingia bustanini. Wakati wa palizi ni muda sahihi wa kuondoa vyote hivyo.
Hata katika mapenzi pia hutakiwa kufanya jambo hili. Kugombana au kupishana kiswahili kwa wapenzi ni jambo la kawaida sana, hivyo ni vyema kuweka sawa tofauti hizo mapema, kabla tatizo halijawa kubwa zaidi. Hii ndiyo palizi ninayoizungumzia.
Usikae na kinyongo moyoni mwako, kuwa mjanja, hata kama ni yeye ndiye aliyekosea, zungumza naye ukimweleza jinsi ambavyo hupendi mgombane, mkimweleza hisia zako kwamba unatamani sana muelewane katika siku zote za maisha yenu. Weka mambo sawa.
UKITAKA KUUA PENZI LAKO FANYA HAYA HAPA,FASTA TU
Ukitaka kufa mwakani unatakiwa kufanya mambo flani ya hovyo hovyo mwaka huu,utakufa tu..
Ukimeza dawa ya sumu usitegemee itageuka kuwa ARV,itakuua tu
Kuna aina flani ya watu wanapenda sana kujitafutia matatizo,wakiwa In love huwa wanajaribu kuwa too much,kwa vitu ambavyo sio vya msingi hata na havimuongezei lolote zaidi ya matatizo.
Kuna vitu ukifanya unajua kabisa kwamba vitakusaidia kupalilia penzi lako,kuliwekea mbolea ili likue zaidi...Concentrate kufanya hivyo
Ila kuna watu huwa wana-opt kufanya mambo ambayo yanawaua wao wenyewe na mwisho wa siku huishia kujuta tu.
Baadhi ya Mambo ambayo yameua mahusiano mengi sana na yanaendela kuua hata leo,na hata kesho yataua ni haya yafuatayo,Chonde chonde usifanye haya maana huwezi jua Damage ambayo yanafanya kwenye uhusiano wako:
1.MISTRUST
Sifa moja ya Penzi imara ni lile ambalo mnaaminiana...Mtu anaweza kuaga kwenda home na ukajua anaenda home kweli bila kuwa na chembe ya shaka kwamba atachepuka na kufanya Call Diversion.Ukiona penzi ambalo halina Trust,hilo penzi liko ICU na litakata Roho muda wowote.Hamtafika popote. Mistrust huwa haiji hivihivi,huwa ni zao la mambo mengi yaliyotokea ambayo yamemfanya mmoja kati ya wapenzi kupunguza imani na mwingine.Dawa ni kuhakikisha mnamaintain highest level of Trust at all time.Na moja ya njia rahisi sana ya kurudisha trust iliyopotea ni kuwa wawazi...Wawazi kwenye ratiba zenu za kila siku..Thats through Communication..Hakikisheni mna communication muda wote,ifanyeni kuwa ratiba na sio utumwa,itawasaidia kuwa in touch na kila mmoja atajua ratiba ya mwenzie na kuwa at peace
2.EPUKA U-SPY
Kwenye Mapenzi hakutakiwi kuwa na mtu yeyote aliyesomea CCP Moshi...Hiki ni chuo cha mapolisi na maspy wa usalama wa taifa....Mapenzi ni eneo huru ambalo kila mmoja anapaswa kuwa huru....Sio mpenzi kaacha simu tayari umekwapua...Kuna vitu haviko kwenye Katiba ya Muungano...Simu ya Mtu ni personal property yake..Dont sneek,dont Spy...Ukimuomba simu kuitumia kupiga au kutext usijifanye spy na kuchungulia Inbox..Akigundua atakumind na itakuwa big issue...uhuru wa mtu binafsi uheshimiwe,haikusaidii lolote sanasana utakumbana na vitu ambavyo hutapenda utaishia kununa na kumbe hujavielewa..We are so different,mahusiano yangu na watu wangu niliozoeana nao ni tofauti na wewe...U can see messages na ukadhani ni za cheating kumbe ni kawaida...Stay safe...Dont be a police...Dont Spy,hata uwe tempted namna gani..hii imewacost wengi sana,BEWARE
3.EPUKA UBIZE
Ubize ni msala.Ukikubali kuwa mpenzi wa mtu jua kuna uhuru unapoteza...Japo uhuru kidogo...Mpenzi wako anakuwa priority na ni jukumu lako kuhakikisha anapata Attention....
Ndio unasoma lakini una mpenzi,dont replace him/her with books
Ndio unafanya kazi,una vikao,na assignments,na presentations,na warsha,na kila kitu ILA,una Mpenzi...Dont replace him/her with ur job...Kama huwezi kumanage Shule na Mpenzi....Kazi na Mpenzi....Chonde nakusihi,BE SINGLE,lasivyo utazingua tu mtu wa watu,atafeel hapendwi...hajaliwi..Atacheat,...na wala usimlaumu maana wakati ukiwa bize na mshule wako na mkazi wako,kuna mtu alikuwa na kazi na alimjali...Swali kwake ni Je,kwann huyu ameweza and my Boy ameshindwa???USIMLAUMU LIKITOKEA HILO,kosa ni lako 100%
4.EPUKA EXPECTATIONS
Kuna watu hawana simile...Dakika 2 tu nyingi wamewaza Mbinguni...
Mapenzi yanataka Patience....Anzeni mapenzi vizuri...Know him/her.....Jadili mustakabali wenu pamoja,akupe views zake....Then kama kuna kitu cha kuwasongesha mbele kila mmoja aseme/....Kama kuna vikwazo vya kusonga mbele kwenye hatua kubwa zaidi kama Ndoa mathalani,viwekwe wazi
Ni jambo liko wazi,kuna watu ni wazuri kuwa wapenzi tu lakini sio waume....Kuna watu wanafit kuwa Girlfriends tu lakini sio Wife material....Thats the naked truth
Mtu huyu ukimforce awe mume au mke inakula kwako....
Ndoa ni Institution maalum kwa watu maalum kwa sababu maalum
Kama wewe sio Mtu Maalum usiingie kwenye hiyo Institution Maalum maana hutakuwa na sababu maalum
The point is,usiexpect makubwa katika muda mfupi...give yourselves time to see ile sababu maalum ya kuwaingiza kwenye jukumu maalum..mkiona maono yenu hayaoani kufika kule usiforce...
Hakuna sababu ya kuwa fancy wa Ndoa halafu mkae Mwaka 1 muachane,utakuwa umejichafulia CV bure wakati ungeweza kutulia ukapata the right guy or right woman
Dont be over-ambitious....Stay in ur lane and choose the best out of the rest
Ukimeza dawa ya sumu usitegemee itageuka kuwa ARV,itakuua tu
Kuna aina flani ya watu wanapenda sana kujitafutia matatizo,wakiwa In love huwa wanajaribu kuwa too much,kwa vitu ambavyo sio vya msingi hata na havimuongezei lolote zaidi ya matatizo.
Kuna vitu ukifanya unajua kabisa kwamba vitakusaidia kupalilia penzi lako,kuliwekea mbolea ili likue zaidi...Concentrate kufanya hivyo
Ila kuna watu huwa wana-opt kufanya mambo ambayo yanawaua wao wenyewe na mwisho wa siku huishia kujuta tu.
Baadhi ya Mambo ambayo yameua mahusiano mengi sana na yanaendela kuua hata leo,na hata kesho yataua ni haya yafuatayo,Chonde chonde usifanye haya maana huwezi jua Damage ambayo yanafanya kwenye uhusiano wako:
1.MISTRUST
Sifa moja ya Penzi imara ni lile ambalo mnaaminiana...Mtu anaweza kuaga kwenda home na ukajua anaenda home kweli bila kuwa na chembe ya shaka kwamba atachepuka na kufanya Call Diversion.Ukiona penzi ambalo halina Trust,hilo penzi liko ICU na litakata Roho muda wowote.Hamtafika popote. Mistrust huwa haiji hivihivi,huwa ni zao la mambo mengi yaliyotokea ambayo yamemfanya mmoja kati ya wapenzi kupunguza imani na mwingine.Dawa ni kuhakikisha mnamaintain highest level of Trust at all time.Na moja ya njia rahisi sana ya kurudisha trust iliyopotea ni kuwa wawazi...Wawazi kwenye ratiba zenu za kila siku..Thats through Communication..Hakikisheni mna communication muda wote,ifanyeni kuwa ratiba na sio utumwa,itawasaidia kuwa in touch na kila mmoja atajua ratiba ya mwenzie na kuwa at peace
2.EPUKA U-SPY
Kwenye Mapenzi hakutakiwi kuwa na mtu yeyote aliyesomea CCP Moshi...Hiki ni chuo cha mapolisi na maspy wa usalama wa taifa....Mapenzi ni eneo huru ambalo kila mmoja anapaswa kuwa huru....Sio mpenzi kaacha simu tayari umekwapua...Kuna vitu haviko kwenye Katiba ya Muungano...Simu ya Mtu ni personal property yake..Dont sneek,dont Spy...Ukimuomba simu kuitumia kupiga au kutext usijifanye spy na kuchungulia Inbox..Akigundua atakumind na itakuwa big issue...uhuru wa mtu binafsi uheshimiwe,haikusaidii lolote sanasana utakumbana na vitu ambavyo hutapenda utaishia kununa na kumbe hujavielewa..We are so different,mahusiano yangu na watu wangu niliozoeana nao ni tofauti na wewe...U can see messages na ukadhani ni za cheating kumbe ni kawaida...Stay safe...Dont be a police...Dont Spy,hata uwe tempted namna gani..hii imewacost wengi sana,BEWARE
3.EPUKA UBIZE
Ubize ni msala.Ukikubali kuwa mpenzi wa mtu jua kuna uhuru unapoteza...Japo uhuru kidogo...Mpenzi wako anakuwa priority na ni jukumu lako kuhakikisha anapata Attention....
Ndio unasoma lakini una mpenzi,dont replace him/her with books
Ndio unafanya kazi,una vikao,na assignments,na presentations,na warsha,na kila kitu ILA,una Mpenzi...Dont replace him/her with ur job...Kama huwezi kumanage Shule na Mpenzi....Kazi na Mpenzi....Chonde nakusihi,BE SINGLE,lasivyo utazingua tu mtu wa watu,atafeel hapendwi...hajaliwi..Atacheat,...na wala usimlaumu maana wakati ukiwa bize na mshule wako na mkazi wako,kuna mtu alikuwa na kazi na alimjali...Swali kwake ni Je,kwann huyu ameweza and my Boy ameshindwa???USIMLAUMU LIKITOKEA HILO,kosa ni lako 100%
4.EPUKA EXPECTATIONS
Kuna watu hawana simile...Dakika 2 tu nyingi wamewaza Mbinguni...
Mapenzi yanataka Patience....Anzeni mapenzi vizuri...Know him/her.....Jadili mustakabali wenu pamoja,akupe views zake....Then kama kuna kitu cha kuwasongesha mbele kila mmoja aseme/....Kama kuna vikwazo vya kusonga mbele kwenye hatua kubwa zaidi kama Ndoa mathalani,viwekwe wazi
Ni jambo liko wazi,kuna watu ni wazuri kuwa wapenzi tu lakini sio waume....Kuna watu wanafit kuwa Girlfriends tu lakini sio Wife material....Thats the naked truth
Mtu huyu ukimforce awe mume au mke inakula kwako....
Ndoa ni Institution maalum kwa watu maalum kwa sababu maalum
Kama wewe sio Mtu Maalum usiingie kwenye hiyo Institution Maalum maana hutakuwa na sababu maalum
The point is,usiexpect makubwa katika muda mfupi...give yourselves time to see ile sababu maalum ya kuwaingiza kwenye jukumu maalum..mkiona maono yenu hayaoani kufika kule usiforce...
Hakuna sababu ya kuwa fancy wa Ndoa halafu mkae Mwaka 1 muachane,utakuwa umejichafulia CV bure wakati ungeweza kutulia ukapata the right guy or right woman
Dont be over-ambitious....Stay in ur lane and choose the best out of the rest
AINA ZA WANAWAKE AMBAO WANAUME WANAPENDA
Sometimes Wanawake huwa
wanajiuliza Maswali mengi,wafanyeje ili wapendwe,wanahisi wana bahati
mbaya,kila wanapojitoa mioyo yao inaumizwa.Jamaa hawakai,wanatupia
kitu,wanakula mzigo wanatembea na Bwana..Mioyo yao imejaa matundu na
hawaamini kabisa kama Wanaume huwa wanapenda,imefikia point wanadhani
Wanaume hutamani tu kumbe SI KWELI!
Wanaume nao wana taste zao,hawaendi tu kama Mbwa koko,jalala moja baada ya jingine,HAPANA...Know their taste and you will enjoy theirs.
Sifa za Mwanamke ambae Mwanaume atavutiwa na kukaa ni hizi zifuatazo,JITAZAME,kama huna any of these,you better try to learn to have them,its not too late:
1.MWANAMKE MWENYE MSIMAMO
Jambo moja muhimu,the number 1 thing ambacho Mwanaume anaangalia kwa Mwanamke ni Msimamo wako...Sio Mwanamke uko kama Feni,kila sehemu unapulizia upepo,Mashariki,Magharibi kote wewe...Hapo sahau,tena sahau sana.Mwanaume anahitaji kuwa na uhakika,Mwanamke aliyemkabidhi moyo hana mishemishe na hayumbishwi na lolote,na chochote na penzi lake liko safe
Unaweza kuwa na kila kitu,Mzuri wa Sura na kila kituuuu,na bado usimpate Mwanaume wa Maana kama huna sifa hii,hakuna muujiza kwenye hili,ndo wanaume walivyoumbwa,if you lack this hamna Mwanaume wa Maana utapata,utapata vimeo kama ulivyo!
2.MWANAMKE MUELEWA
Men are simple creatures,they love to live simple,and take them simple as they are...
Ukiwa aina ya Mwanamke unamind vitu...kitu kidogo ugomvi...Unaongea na nani...Uko wapi..Na nani,Kwanini,hee,jamani kama Mahaakama kuu??Hapa unapoteza Credits
Kuwa aina ya Mwanamke muelewa ambae utamfanya Mwanaume ajisikie vibaya kufanya kitu flani ambacho ulishamwambia asifanye before...Lakini sio kukaripia na kununa kwa sababu amerudia..let him realize that amefanya kitu cha kukuudhi na hujareact,and if hes a man enough,he will know and apologize
Ila kama ni gumegume basi tena,litakausha na ndo inakuwa issue hapo...Are u patient enough to handle it??kazi kwako,ila kuna wanawake wana uwezo huu,learn from them wamewezaje..No matter how complicated the man is,they know how to handle him
Jua Lugha ya kutumia ambayo utafikisha ujumbe and yet you dont show him kwamba umemind na unamkaripia...kumkaripia Mwanaume ni msala mpya,hata kama ana kosa atakumind na itakula kwako...Una ulimi mzuri kufikisha ujumbe??
3.MWANAMKE DIRECTOR
Baba ni kichwa cha nyumba....mimi huamini Mama ni macho yaliyo kwenye kichwa hicho
Women play a very vital role in DIRECTING THE HEAD TO THE RIGHT WAY
Kichwa bila macho si utajigonga tu????Mwanamke ni jicho...
Ukikalia kujiremba tu na kuwaza mambo mengine bila kujua kuna kichwa kinasubiri maelekezo yako,utaonekana bogus..kutwa uko kwenye Umbea,huna muda wa kujua ur man anafanya nini,ana plan gani mwaka huo,unamsaidiaje kuzifikia,sasa we faida yako nini kwenye maisha yake??
be the kind of a woman ambae Mwanaume aki-achieve jambo anasema I have a woman beside of me who engineered this...Kama hujawahi kufikia hatua ya kuwa appreciated na ur man kwa jambo hili jua kuna mahali umefeli...Na hili haliji hivihivi,linakuja pale kunapokuwa na proper communication between you and ur man...Bila good communication:
1.Hutajua what ur man is up to
2.Kwa sababu hujui what he is up to hutakuwa na msaada.
3.Akifaulu,jua haupo kwenye picha ya mafanikio yake na ur simply useless
4.Akifeli,ur part of his failure kwamba humsaidii lolote..ur simply useless and actually absent in his life kwa sababu uwepo wako haumsaidii its better he becomes alone!YOU HEARD???
Women have planning and control ability,USE IT...Usikae tu kama muuza genge unasubiri wateja,Do your job and Win him!
4.MWANAMKE MSAFI NA MZURI
Usafi huu sio wa nguo tu na kunukia,ni zaidi ya hilo...
Usafi unaanzia ndani..Msaidie Mwanaume awe msafi pia,rohoni hadi mwilini...Rohoni how???Jitu halisali,halikumbuki kuna Mungu,lipo tu,unadhani mtajenga Familia gani baadae???
Msaidie kum-remind kukumbuka hilo,Mafanikio ya nje huanzia ndani..Dirty inside,Dirty Outside...Mambo mengine anafanya nje na yanaku-affect kwa sababu umefeli ku-inspire change ya ndani...Ngumu hii lakini ndo hivyo..You can save a lot of energy kama atakuwa msafi wa ndani,everything outside will be set automatically...Whatever u see in physical started in Spiritual...Yeah right! Hata ulimwengu uliumbwa,na vyote unavyoviona baada ya Plan ya Spirit kumalizaika.Soma Kitabu cha Mwanzo kwenye Biblia,uone Uumbaji ulifanyikaje...Same applies na hapa,Uumbaji wa vitu vya nje,Mahusiano imara,Familia bora,inajengwa ndani..
Sio kazi yako ni kuuliza Baby hatuendi Club,Baby this...Unamkumbusha kusali???Utatengeneza mme freemason bila kujua...Mtu hasali we upo tu unaona sawa...CHANGE!
Huu usafi mwingine wanawake mmejaliwa,biashara za kunuka kikwapa no,Kusafisha nyumba vema saafiii...mengine si kama kawa??Mpango mzima uko hapo.
Uzuri huwa ni subjective...Unaweza kuwa mzuri kwangu lakini ni wa kawaida kabisa kwa mwingine....Ukiwa msafi unaweza ukamfanya Man wako aone potential,hata kama wewe sio mzuri sana lakini anaona Kiongozi wa Familia inside you and he will definitely opt you.
Hamna limbwata wala nini,tupa kule mbali...
Kama huna hizi sifa 4,aisee waza upya...Unaweza bahatisha ndulute ukaolewa,lakini jusitegemee muujiza,goma litapata Pancha tu...Jamaa hataweza kukaa na nunda...Atajutia Mahari aliyolipa ila atasepa kimyakimya..
To avoid that,please make sure you do your Homework well ili Mtihani ukija unafaulu tu bila shida...
Jitathmini halafu KAA HUMO!
Wanaume nao wana taste zao,hawaendi tu kama Mbwa koko,jalala moja baada ya jingine,HAPANA...Know their taste and you will enjoy theirs.
Sifa za Mwanamke ambae Mwanaume atavutiwa na kukaa ni hizi zifuatazo,JITAZAME,kama huna any of these,you better try to learn to have them,its not too late:
1.MWANAMKE MWENYE MSIMAMO
Jambo moja muhimu,the number 1 thing ambacho Mwanaume anaangalia kwa Mwanamke ni Msimamo wako...Sio Mwanamke uko kama Feni,kila sehemu unapulizia upepo,Mashariki,Magharibi kote wewe...Hapo sahau,tena sahau sana.Mwanaume anahitaji kuwa na uhakika,Mwanamke aliyemkabidhi moyo hana mishemishe na hayumbishwi na lolote,na chochote na penzi lake liko safe
Unaweza kuwa na kila kitu,Mzuri wa Sura na kila kituuuu,na bado usimpate Mwanaume wa Maana kama huna sifa hii,hakuna muujiza kwenye hili,ndo wanaume walivyoumbwa,if you lack this hamna Mwanaume wa Maana utapata,utapata vimeo kama ulivyo!
2.MWANAMKE MUELEWA
Men are simple creatures,they love to live simple,and take them simple as they are...
Ukiwa aina ya Mwanamke unamind vitu...kitu kidogo ugomvi...Unaongea na nani...Uko wapi..Na nani,Kwanini,hee,jamani kama Mahaakama kuu??Hapa unapoteza Credits
Kuwa aina ya Mwanamke muelewa ambae utamfanya Mwanaume ajisikie vibaya kufanya kitu flani ambacho ulishamwambia asifanye before...Lakini sio kukaripia na kununa kwa sababu amerudia..let him realize that amefanya kitu cha kukuudhi na hujareact,and if hes a man enough,he will know and apologize
Ila kama ni gumegume basi tena,litakausha na ndo inakuwa issue hapo...Are u patient enough to handle it??kazi kwako,ila kuna wanawake wana uwezo huu,learn from them wamewezaje..No matter how complicated the man is,they know how to handle him
Jua Lugha ya kutumia ambayo utafikisha ujumbe and yet you dont show him kwamba umemind na unamkaripia...kumkaripia Mwanaume ni msala mpya,hata kama ana kosa atakumind na itakula kwako...Una ulimi mzuri kufikisha ujumbe??
3.MWANAMKE DIRECTOR
Baba ni kichwa cha nyumba....mimi huamini Mama ni macho yaliyo kwenye kichwa hicho
Women play a very vital role in DIRECTING THE HEAD TO THE RIGHT WAY
Kichwa bila macho si utajigonga tu????Mwanamke ni jicho...
Ukikalia kujiremba tu na kuwaza mambo mengine bila kujua kuna kichwa kinasubiri maelekezo yako,utaonekana bogus..kutwa uko kwenye Umbea,huna muda wa kujua ur man anafanya nini,ana plan gani mwaka huo,unamsaidiaje kuzifikia,sasa we faida yako nini kwenye maisha yake??
be the kind of a woman ambae Mwanaume aki-achieve jambo anasema I have a woman beside of me who engineered this...Kama hujawahi kufikia hatua ya kuwa appreciated na ur man kwa jambo hili jua kuna mahali umefeli...Na hili haliji hivihivi,linakuja pale kunapokuwa na proper communication between you and ur man...Bila good communication:
1.Hutajua what ur man is up to
2.Kwa sababu hujui what he is up to hutakuwa na msaada.
3.Akifaulu,jua haupo kwenye picha ya mafanikio yake na ur simply useless
4.Akifeli,ur part of his failure kwamba humsaidii lolote..ur simply useless and actually absent in his life kwa sababu uwepo wako haumsaidii its better he becomes alone!YOU HEARD???
Women have planning and control ability,USE IT...Usikae tu kama muuza genge unasubiri wateja,Do your job and Win him!
4.MWANAMKE MSAFI NA MZURI
Usafi huu sio wa nguo tu na kunukia,ni zaidi ya hilo...
Usafi unaanzia ndani..Msaidie Mwanaume awe msafi pia,rohoni hadi mwilini...Rohoni how???Jitu halisali,halikumbuki kuna Mungu,lipo tu,unadhani mtajenga Familia gani baadae???
Msaidie kum-remind kukumbuka hilo,Mafanikio ya nje huanzia ndani..Dirty inside,Dirty Outside...Mambo mengine anafanya nje na yanaku-affect kwa sababu umefeli ku-inspire change ya ndani...Ngumu hii lakini ndo hivyo..You can save a lot of energy kama atakuwa msafi wa ndani,everything outside will be set automatically...Whatever u see in physical started in Spiritual...Yeah right! Hata ulimwengu uliumbwa,na vyote unavyoviona baada ya Plan ya Spirit kumalizaika.Soma Kitabu cha Mwanzo kwenye Biblia,uone Uumbaji ulifanyikaje...Same applies na hapa,Uumbaji wa vitu vya nje,Mahusiano imara,Familia bora,inajengwa ndani..
Sio kazi yako ni kuuliza Baby hatuendi Club,Baby this...Unamkumbusha kusali???Utatengeneza mme freemason bila kujua...Mtu hasali we upo tu unaona sawa...CHANGE!
Huu usafi mwingine wanawake mmejaliwa,biashara za kunuka kikwapa no,Kusafisha nyumba vema saafiii...mengine si kama kawa??Mpango mzima uko hapo.
Uzuri huwa ni subjective...Unaweza kuwa mzuri kwangu lakini ni wa kawaida kabisa kwa mwingine....Ukiwa msafi unaweza ukamfanya Man wako aone potential,hata kama wewe sio mzuri sana lakini anaona Kiongozi wa Familia inside you and he will definitely opt you.
Hamna limbwata wala nini,tupa kule mbali...
Kama huna hizi sifa 4,aisee waza upya...Unaweza bahatisha ndulute ukaolewa,lakini jusitegemee muujiza,goma litapata Pancha tu...Jamaa hataweza kukaa na nunda...Atajutia Mahari aliyolipa ila atasepa kimyakimya..
To avoid that,please make sure you do your Homework well ili Mtihani ukija unafaulu tu bila shida...
Jitathmini halafu KAA HUMO!
Hapa katika Love story unanikoshaga sana
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